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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29322039">cherry flavoured conversation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apodte/pseuds/Apodte'>Apodte</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeeunwrld/pseuds/yeeunwrld'>yeeunwrld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Golden Boy (TV 2019), The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Some angst, and a whole lotta gay shit, texan shelby nervous kahu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:08:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29322039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apodte/pseuds/Apodte, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeeunwrld/pseuds/yeeunwrld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>-<br/>Shelby spent most of her life living in fear. Fear of her father, fear of opinions, fear of herself. That was until she was sent to spend a year with her aunt in New Zealand and everything just seemed to fall into place.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Kahu, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>151</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title inspired by cherry flavoured - the neighbourhood, I suggest listening to it before reading. ps get through the first few chapters it gets better i promise:)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started as a normal, in other words, very boring day at school. Kahu sat at the back of her first period English class, swinging a pen through her fingers while looking longingly out the window at the boy’s rugby team doing their morning drills. She wished her small frame and 5’3 height had allowed her to play high school rugby, but, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be and she had long since accepted the fact that her brother was the only athlete in the family.</p><p>As she was distracted, daydreaming about what it would be like to score a winning try for her country, she heard the teachers voice ring out a fair bit louder than usual.</p><p>As Kahu swung her head around to see the cause of the ungodly screech she just had the displeasure of hearing, she saw her teacher basically levitating with joy, holding the hands of a blonde girl she had never seen before.</p><p>“Okay class listen up, this is Shelby. She just moved here from America.” Kahu perked up, now very interested in what her teacher had to say for the first time.</p><p>“She will be joining us on an exchange program for the entirety of this year, so why don't we show her some famous New Zealand hospitality? Who wants to show Shelby here to the rest of her classes for today?”</p><p>The room went silent and Kahu could see the blonde girl's smile falter ever so slightly, so, without thinking it through, Kahu raised her hand in the air. Much to her teacher's surprise as she raised an eyebrow but just said “Wonderful!” Then turned to Shelby and told her to take the only spare seat in the room that was conveniently the one next to Kahu.</p><p>As Shelby walked to the back of the class Kahu couldn't help but look at her. The girl was of average height at around 5’7, (much taller than Kahu). And she had this smile that was so addicting; once you saw it, you couldn't peel your eyes away. You would do anything just to make her laugh so you could see it again.</p><p>“Hey there?” Kahu flinched out of her trance and blinked a couple of times when she heard a voice next to her. </p><p>“Hi,” was all she could manage.</p><p>“Thanks for savin’ me back there, that was beyond embarrassing,” the girl that she now knew as Shelby chuckled and sent her that addictive smile again. Kahu to her surprise had just now registered the thick, Southern accent Shelby spoke with. She didn't know what she was expecting, but she couldn't have imagined a better voice to suit her, and now with that thought, Shelby looked like the poster child for country music and everything Southern.</p><p>“Oh it's fine, don't worry about it. I just felt bad seeing you standing up there like a tortured puppy.” And honestly, she could have chosen her words a lot better.</p><p>“Yeah... well, thanks anyway,” Shelby laughed nervously and looked back down at her books on the table.</p><p>Kahu opened her mouth to say something, feeling how she had turned the atmosphere awkward, but came up with nothing, so instead just turned back to the window and cursed herself in her head.</p><p>When, what felt like the longest English class of her life had ended, Kahu breathed a sigh of relief, but as she stood up, she realised she had volunteered to be Shelby's personal map for the day, and with that, she sunk back down into her seat before hearing that Southern drawl. “Sooo…” Shelby tried and failed to make it less awkward. “It says here that I have gym next, what about you?”</p><p>Oh fun, of course, the universe would wanna punish her even more by making her share first second and third period with the preppy new girl. “Me too,” Kahu spoke. Short and sweet. That's how she wanted it, to keep the conversation as minimal as possible. Not because she didn't want to talk to Shelby but because she knew that she would either hurt the girl's feelings or embarrass herself. “Well, the bell should ring any minute so whaddya’ say we get going.”</p><p>And again Shelby smiled and Kahu felt her stomach do some weird flip thing before she just smiled back and stood up.</p><p>-</p><p>Like most schools in New Zeeland, the one in Croydon had a strict, not so strict uniform policy. The only rules that really mattered was that you wore one and that on gym days you brought a change of clothes. That second one hadn't seemed to reach Shelby as she stood there in her plaid skirt and navy blazer, watching as she saw the rest of the girls either with gym bags slung over their shoulder or already changed into their spare clothes.</p><p>Kahu turned back to look at Shelby and asked her if she already knew her gym locker or if they would have to ask the teacher which one is free for her to take. “Oi, Shelby?” she called.

 “Oh, sorry, no I don’t seem to have a locker yet.” Kahu then looked at her a little confused. 

“Where’s your gym gear then?” Shelby just made a face and shrugged her shoulders as if to say nobody fucking told me about any of this until now.</p><p>“It's fine, c’mon, I'll see if I have any spare shorts you can borrow,” she grabbed Shelby’s hand and dragged her into the dressing room.</p><p>After finding a pair of football shorts at the back of her locker, scrambled up into a ball, she guessed they were clean enough and just handed them to Shelby. “Here put these on, you'll have to keep your school shirt on unless you've got a t-shirt underneath.” Shelby smiled and thanked her before getting changed into the shorts that are a bit shorter on her then they would be on Kahu due to the height difference.</p><p>-</p><p>As they exited the dressing room into the football field, Shelby saw roughly 20 girls standing around waiting for their p.e teacher. She noticed how Kahu had seemed to walk over to a girl standing alone, so she decided to join them instead of jumping headfirst into the very large group of girls that stood laughing and gossiping as it looked.</p><p>“Hi!” Shelby spoke very enthusiastically as she walked up behind Kahu and her friend. Both girls jumped a little and the one that Shelby hasn't met yet turned around and was almost shouting. 

“Jesus fuckin Christ, you just scared the shit out of me.” 

“Were y'all talkin’ bout something you shouldn't be?” Shelby tilted her head downward and smiled jokingly. 

“No fuck off,” the unknown girl fired back. Kahu laughed at her friend's reaction and looked at Shelby who was also giggling.</p><p>“Shelby, this is Dot. Dot, this is Shelby, she's new.” Dot looked the blonde up and down before Kahu continued, “Dot is our little ray of sunshine, aren't you Dot?” She nudges Dots arm and the other girl turns to push her back. As Kahu and Dot started play-fighting like 5-year-old boys at recess, Shelby laughs at them and notices how nice their dynamic is.</p><p>They hear a whistle and all go to join the rest of the girls in front of the teacher to find out that they're gonna be playing football.</p><p>Shelby can see that information made Kahu and Dot very happy, while she just stands there saying she thought it was called rugby over here, which lead to another hysterical laugh from Dot. “No Shelby, we are playing football.” Shelby still looks confused, “like soccer as u would call it,” she then makes an O-shape with her mouth and hopes to God she won't have to actually play, even though she took part in youth soccer at her church when she was younger.</p><p>Luckily, she wasn't picked and the teacher told her she could sit this one out since it's her first day. She didn't want the new girl to have to play in her school shirt and reek of sweat the rest of the day.</p><p>Shelby sat on the bench and took this opportunity to study the girl who has been showing her around since this morning. She noticed how the girl seemed quiet but also cheeky, and when she saw her with Dot, she laughed at how she was definitely right about that second part. She also noticed smaller things like how Kahu had a little scar on the top of her nose, nearer her left eye and how her skin looked especially golden in the sunlight. She noticed that Kahu was pretty and that's all she really thought of it.</p><p>She was awoken from her thoughts as Dot and Kahu aggressively yelled while they played football for the next hour and forty minutes. Shelby just sat there thinking she was kinda lucky to end up here, of all the places she could've been sent that is.</p><p>When their gym period had ended, all the girls were heading back to the locker room to get changed and ready for their small break before classes start again. “Here are your shorts back.” Shelby held them out to a shirtless Kahu who just turned around and said, 

“keep them, they look better on you then they did me anyway.” Kahu smiled at her.</p><p>And that's when Shelby noticed that Kahu was shirtless and she tried, she really did, but she couldn't stop her eyes from darting down to see abs. Not the kind you see on Abercrombie and Fitch models, but the natural kind that shows someone is just genuinely fit. She only looked for half a second but Kahu seemed to have noticed as she laughed at Shelby, who was now red in the face with embarrassment. “Okay thanks, well, I'll wait for you outside,” and then Shelby ran.</p><p>-</p><p>Kahu wasn't really thinking anything of the whole encounter because first of all, Shelby seemed painfully straight and second of all, because it was just funny to her. It did give her a slight confidence boost though.</p><p>She put the rest of her uniform on, buttoning her pants and grabbing her bag, then she waved to dot as she left to meet the Texan who was waiting outside.</p><p>The rest of the day went smoothly enough, her and Shelby made small talk and the awkwardness from this morning thankfully didn't seem to return. They didn't share many more classes that day, but Kahu made sure to know where Shelby was so she could show her to each of them. By the time the day ended, the two girls were walking out together, “y’know that hour in the morning really makes a huge difference.” Kahu just looked at the other girl confused, </p><p>“what?” Shelby looked at the confusion on her face and tried again.</p><p>“Oh, I just meant the way y'all start at 9am but back in the States, school starts at 8, so here, I get to sleep in for an extra hour but still get to go home at the same time. It's pretty nice.”</p><p>“I guess we're just pretty laid back over here,” Kahu chuckled and then looked up again, </p><p>“where are you staying? Do you need a ride?”</p><p>“Oh no I'm fine, I'm like, 5 minutes down the street and it's a nice day,” and Kahu still can't seem to get over that accent. She smiles and waves as she trots over to her sister's car.</p><p>“Hey Mitch,” she deadpans. Her sister whistles while she gets into the car,</p><p> “so who was that?” Mitch questions.</p><p> “No one, please drive.” Mitch wiggles her eyebrows as she sings something along the lines of ‘Kahu has a girlfriend’ in a very annoying tone and Kahu sighs audibly while sinking into her seat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'll be introducing an oc that plays a minor role in the story just letting y'all know that they're there lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby sighed a heavy breath of relief putting her headphones in. She did it. She made it through her first day at a new school, in a new country, halfway across the world from everything and everyone, she has ever known.</p><p>She felt weird as she lazily walked the route she would now take every morning and afternoon. It was a short stroll along a secluded street with beautiful trees on either side, she felt good. But she still couldn't seem to get over the feeling in the pit of her stomach that this whole day had been a twisted dream, and that she would wake up, in a cold sweat, in her obnoxiously large bed in Texas.</p><p>After a few minutes of walking, she made her way up the driveway of her new home. The house couldn't be more different than the one she grew up in, which felt cold and uninviting. This home, however, had a bright red door with windows on either side and dozens of different coloured flowers spread around the front yard. She took another deep breath as she stepped inside and called out to the owner of the house, “it’s just me.”</p><p>-</p><p>“The conversation is over. It's settled. You'll be leaving by next week so you won't miss too much school.”</p><p>“And I have no say in this? Listen Daddy, I know. What I did. Was wrong. I know that now. I promise it will never happen again, it was a silly mistake. It meant nothing.” Shelby tried to stay strong so she seemed believable, but she couldn't fight the tears from falling.</p><p>Dave sighed. Looking his daughter up and down, and for a moment Shelby actually thought he might be changing his mind.</p><p>“You will be staying with your mother's sister. She has a small farm in New Zealand, it’s a quiet town, you’ll like it there.”</p><p>And with those words, Shelby felt her heart drop. She couldn't do anything but stand there and watch her father turn his back to exit her room.</p><p>-</p><p>“Well hello there,” Shelby saw her aunt smiling as she entered the kitchen. “Look at you, in your preppy uniform.”</p><p>“Oh yeah it's...” she trails off, “it’s something.”</p><p>Both laughed, slightly, and the conversation continues. Shelby hasn't had many successful relationships with adult figures but, maybe this time it could be different.</p><p>“So, how was your day?” her aunt, who preferred to be called ‘just Allison’, didn't look up from cutting whatever vegetables were on the menu for tonight's meal.</p><p>“It was good, surprisingly. This girl in my class showed me around for the day. She was nice.” Shelby smiled a little at the thought of the girl she had just met.</p><p>“What was her name? This town is small I probably know her parents.”</p><p>“Kahu.”</p><p>Her aunt looked up at her and smiled a little at the expression Shelby was wearing and the little twinkle in her eye.</p><p>“Yeah I know her quite well, she works down at the dairy her moms own. I supply them with most of their fruit and vegetables.”</p><p>Shelby furrowed her eyebrows slightly. There was one keyword in that sentence that she is convinced she must have misheard.</p><p>“Moms, plural?”</p><p>“Yes, moms. As in two women raised her.”</p><p>Her aunt said it like it was nothing. But Shelby’s heart raced and her mind went crazy.</p><p>Kahu had two moms. Lesbians. And on top of that, they were a normal family that owned a business and didn't have to hide anything.</p><p>What is this place? And why was Shelby cursed by being born in Bible thumping, Jesus loving, homophobic Texas?</p><p>-</p><p>Allison had made light conversation over dinner and afterwards, Shelby thanked her for the meal and made her way to her new room to change and do some homework.</p><p>The sun was starting to set and it turned the room to a light shade of pink. When she looked over the fields out her window, she thought again about the concept of two women raising a child, and that being okay. It made her smile.<br/>
It gave her hope.</p><p>Why had she been so reluctant to move here? She practically begged her father to let her stay in Texas at whatever cost.</p><p>She still doesn't know why she fought for his acceptance. And why he couldn't just give it to her. But either way, she felt foolish thinking back on it now.</p><p>After finishing her homework, it was still a little bright outside so she decided to go for a walk. She grabbed her hoodie and shouted to her aunt that she won't be long.</p><p>-</p><p>“Do you know how long he's sending me away for?” Shelby asked her mother, her eyes pleading silently for an answer from the woman, but all she got was a fake smile and some tears in return.</p><p>“Not too long. I know you haven't seen Allison since you were a baby but she will take care of you, I promise.” her mother squeezed Shelby’s hands, and Shelby saw this look in her eye. Like she was trying to tell her something.</p><p>Dave was picking up her suitcase’s and loading them into the car when she felt his eyes burn a hole into her mothers head, she fell silent.</p><p>Her father was never physically abusive.</p><p>No. All the pain he caused was mental which in some ways was even worse. Shelby lived in constant fear of not meeting her father's expectations and his obsession with power had only grown worse throughout the years, making it harder for her to simply live her life.</p><p>Shelby said one last goodbye to her siblings and her mother, trying her absolute best not to cry as she got into the car. She wouldn't show him she was upset. She Couldn’t even look at him.</p><p>When they got to the airport, he unloaded her bags from the trunk and placed them beside where she was standing.</p><p>It was silent for a few seconds too long and she thought that was it. That he wouldn't say anything. So she nodded her head, smiled bitterly and turned to leave.</p><p>“It's for your own good,” his voice rang out from behind her back. And the tears fell as she just continued walking.</p><p>Shelby thought about the life she had back in Texas, then thought about what type of life she could have here.</p><p>She realised she could be whoever she wanted to be after she met her aunt. They got along right off the bat, and when Shelby moved in, she knew there weren't any cameras or mics hooked up to keep surveillance on her at all times. She also knew that the only information Allison would be feeding her father was what he wanted to hear. She felt safe for the first time in a long time.</p><p>When she was out walking, she noticed the light of the dairy her aunt had mentioned earlier that evening. She also thought about what her aunt said about Kahu working there.</p><p>Her hand reached into her pocket to make sure she had some money, if she was going in there, she didn't want to look like an idiot. She needed a reason.</p><p>She pulled out three dollars and shrugged to herself, thinking that it should be enough.</p><p>—</p><p>“KAHU GET YOUR SCRAWNY ARSE OUT HERE! THIS IS YOUR SHIFT, NOT MINE.”</p><p>“I SAID I WAS COMING.” Kahu stomped her way into the dairy, sulking.</p><p>“Seriously, if you keep starting your shift late, I'm docking your pay.” Mitch gawked at her little sister who was now on her phone.</p><p>“Yeah, whatever mum.” She didn't even glance up as she fired back.</p><p>“GOD, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING. GROW UP”</p><p>Mitch stormed off in a huff and just to add to the fun, Kahu yelled as she left. “SAYS THE LITERAL ADULT WHO’S THROWING A TANTRUM.”</p><p>As Kahu sat laughing, very proud of annoying her sister, the bell of the dairy rang. She just assumed it was a local popping in for toilet paper or beer, because oddly enough at this time in the evening those are the only two things people seem to need.</p><p>She didn't bother to look up. That was until she heard someone clear their throat right in front of the counter.</p><p>Kahu had been sitting with one foot on the register and the other tucked under her thigh, pushing back on the chair, barely balancing. When she looked up and saw Shelby standing there, the ‘barely’ had changed to not at all as she was now lying on the floor.</p><p>Shelby’s eyes widened and she threw a hand over her mouth, “oh my God, are you okay?” She raced behind the counter to help the girl up.</p><p>“I’m fine, it's okay.” Kahu’s face had turned completely red. She was reciting the word idiot over and over in her head and couldn't even bring herself to look at Shelby.</p><p>“Are you sure? That looked kinda painful.”</p><p>“Yeah it's okay, really, it didn’t hurt. I shouldn’t have been sitting like that anyway, my Mum has warned me a thousand times. Probably should start listening.” She tried to make light of the situation but Shelby just looked at her with wide eyes.</p><p>—</p><p>Shelby was now thinking about Kahu's mum, who was a lesbian.</p><p>And then thinking about Kahu. Was Kahu also a lesbian? She knows she can't assume that just because Kahu has two mums. She's gay, but she does kinda, look... a little fruity.</p><p>Not that Shelby would even know what an actual real-life gay person looks like, you don't tend to see many where she's from.</p><p>Other than herself that is.</p><p>Her thoughts were interrupted by Kahu waving a hand slowly, in front of her face.</p><p>“Oi, you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, I'm good.” Shelby took a few steps back until she was behind the counter again.</p><p>“I was just on a walk and I saw the store, so I thought I'd grab something. You work here?” she questioned like she didn't already know the answer.</p><p>“Oh, yeah. My parents own the dairy and my stupid sister makes me work the evening shift, she's just bitter that I'm the favourite child now that my brother’s gone.”</p><p>Shelby laughed and it fell silent for a few seconds, neither of them knowing what else to say. She didn't think this through.</p><p>“Do y'all sell takis?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Takis.. You know… the chips.”</p><p>“Yeah-…nah, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>Shelby was about to be shocked, but then was questioning why she thought the dairy would have them in the first place. She's on a different continent.</p><p>“Uhh, never mind,” and they fell into a weird silence again, neither of them wanting to look each other in the eye.</p><p>“What would you recommend?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Kahu perks up to look at Shelby who was now wearing ‘the’ smile.</p><p>“Like is there any NZ snacks that you'd recommend, what's your favourite?”</p><p>Kahu looked at Shelby for a second then around at the shelves behind her.</p><p>“Wait here.” She jumped over the counter quite smoothly, even though it was unnecessary, it still looked cool.</p><p>Shelby looked at Kahu while she scanned the shelves and started grabbing some chips and candy.</p><p>A few seconds later, she rejoined Shelby and laid out everything she had just collected on the counter.</p><p>“These are my favourites. I wanted to pick more but, I think that would've been too much.”</p><p>Shelby looked at the giant spread of snacks on the counter, wondering how much more Kahu could have possibly picked.</p><p>Then she looked back down at her hand and the three dollars that sat in it.</p><p>“This is all I have,” she said with a frown looking like a lost puppy. Kahu thought back to earlier that day when she saw Shelby standing in front of the class. She had the same expression, and just like earlier, Kahu gave in.</p><p>“It's fine you can buy the crisps, here,” she handed Shelby the ‘crisps’ which shelby is sure to note, are the same as chips.</p><p>“I’ll pay for the rest, Mitch can just take it from my pay.” Shelby's eyes shot up at her.</p><p>“No, no it's fine really I only need the chips,” she waved her hands around embarrassed that the girl she just met was already paying for her food.</p><p>“No, that doesn't sit right with me. If you’re gonna be living here then you need to start liking all this rubbish. It's a rule.” She looked back at Shelby and offered her a smile, hoping that the girl would just let her pay.</p><p>“Okay, fine. But I'm payin’ you back,” she held a finger up in protest.</p><p>“If you say so Texas.”</p><p>Shelby smiled at the nickname, she may hate Texas but it didn't sound too bad when Kahu said it.</p><p>Kahu bagged up all the food and handed it over to Shelby.</p><p>“Are you staying on this street?”</p><p>“Yeah, just a few minutes back that way,” she pointed back in the direction she walked from.</p><p>“Well, that's on my way to school,” Kahu proclaimed as if it wasn't obvious. “And I have to walk tomorrow since Mitch has this weird meeting or something.”</p><p>Shelby kinda knew where this was going but, it was funny watching Kahu trying to ask a very normal question yet struggling so much to do so.</p><p>“Do you maybe wanna walk to school together? I can meet you at your house if you’d like and we can walk the rest of the way, I mean you don't have to if you don't-” Shelby cut her off.</p><p>“I would love to,” she smiled as she looked at how Kahu was twisting the end of her shirt into a ball.</p><p>“Okay, sweet as.”</p><p>Shelby breathed out another laugh. It's gonna take her a while to get used to this new slang, half the day she hasn't had a clue what Kahu was saying.</p><p>“Sweet as!” she repeats in her thick Texan accent much to Kahu’s amusement.</p><p>She thanks Kahu then returns home. Home, that sounded nice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. kegs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the wait, i made this chapter a little longer to make up for it! hope you enjoy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kahu woke to the deafening ring of her alarm at 7:30. She woke up an hour earlier than usual, but she told herself that she needed more time to get ready since she will be walking instead of catching a ride from her sister. Not because she wanted to look good when meeting with Shelby or anything. </p><p>She groaned at the annoying noise from her phone, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes while she rolled over and clicked stop at the bottom of the screen. It was a usual sunny, burning, hot morning so when she opened her curtains, she winced; the morning light almost blinding her. </p><p>After her shower, she finally checked her phone as she does every morning. There were multiple missed calls and texts from Dot, Martha, and Fatin. In conclusion, she knew that either something terrible had happened or they had something very exciting to tell her, she hoped it was the latter as she opened her phone. </p><p>The first person she called was Dot. She sat slightly nervous while the phone rang out a couple of times before being answered. </p><p>“Kahu? It's eight in the morning, shouldn't you still be sleeping?” </p><p>“Very funny. Do you wanna tell me why my phone has five hundred missed calls?” Kahu tried her best to sound as sarcastic as possible. </p><p>“Oh... sorry, we got a little excited I guess,”</p><p>“What's going on?” The worry now evident in her voice.</p><p>“Relax, it's nothing serious, Fatin told me her parents just got a whole shipment of kegs for some family event they're holding, and that she snuck three off without them noticing. I don't know how she managed that but shit am I thankful.” </p><p>Kahu was now very interested in this conversation. </p><p>“Okay, so what does that mean for us?”</p><p>“Well, smart ass, we spread the word around the school. Everyone is heading to the beach after last period so make sure you bring clothes and whatever else you need to school with you.”</p><p>She could barely hide her excitement. Free booze on the beach sounded really nice right about now.</p><p>“Sounds good, I'll be there” </p><p>“Okay cool, see you at school.”</p><p>Kahu scanned her room for something to wear. She settled on a pair of black rugby shorts and her grey hoodie, can't go wrong with comfort. After packing her bag for the beach and putting her uniform on she was heading downstairs to grab something from the dairy for breakfast. </p><p>“Hobbit, come here.” </p><p>Kahu turned to see Mitch and sighed audibly, her morning had been going so well. </p><p>“What do you want?” </p><p>“Why do you have two bags? And stop stealing food from your family’s dairy, that breakfast bar is two dollars.” Mitch held out her hand for Kahu to give her the money but her sister just laughed and stared at the hand in front of her. </p><p>“First of all none of your business, second of all, no.” </p><p>“Give me the two dollars, or else I'm telling mum you gave your girlfriend half the shop worth of sweets for free last night.”</p><p>Kahu froze at that, her eyes now wide and burning into Mitch. </p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“There’s no point in playing dumb you idiot. I saw the little Taylor Swift look-alike you were trying, and not to mention failing, to flirt with.” </p><p>“I wasn’t trying anything, mind your business. Why were you spying on me in the first place creep.” </p><p>“Whatever you say, ladykiller.” Mitch laughed and took her seat behind the register. “But you better pay for that breakfast bar and all the food you gave to your pretty, little girlfriend.” </p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>Kahu gave her sister the death glare before leaving the dairy, pink now spreading across her cheeks. She realised she was running a little late due to all her distractions, so she started to jog down the street towards school.<br/>
After running for a few minutes, she saw Shelby standing outside of Allison’s house, she furrowed her eyebrows slightly surprised, but then again, Allison is definitely the type of woman to host an exchange student. </p><p>“Hey, sorry I’m a little late,” Kahu was slightly out of breath and sweating, then it hit her that she was standing in front of Shelby looking like a wet dog. She sprung up straight, and desperately wiped at her forehead with the end of her short sleeve oxford shirt. </p><p>Shelby laughed at the sight of her frantically whipping at her forehead, and Kahu felt that weird feeling in her stomach yet again. </p><p>“It’s fine, you’re not even five minutes late. We have plenty of time to get to school so don’t worry.” </p><p>Kahu didn’t say anything, just smiled, and it fell into a comfortable silence as they walked in the direction of the school. Thankfully, the morning air was cooling Kahu down as she discreetly tried to check if she smelled bad after her little marathon. </p><p>“Did you try any of the sweets?” She looked up at Shelby like a bright-eyed kid on their first trip to Disneyland. </p><p>“I think I ate the whole bag of those chips with the penguin on them.” </p><p>Kahu turned her head at a speed that definitely must have hurt her neck. “Wait really? Those are my favourite. Okay, Texas. I see you have some taste.” </p><p>“They were a little too good, once I started eating them, I couldn't stop.” </p><p>“Yeah, they're very addictive. You should be careful, I don't wanna have to have an intervention.” </p><p>Shelby looked across at the smaller girl like she was worried, but Kahu just laughed. </p><p>“I’m kidding.”</p><p>“Yeah, I knew that.”</p><p>Kahu looked at Shelby for a prolonged minute until the blonde noticed and quirked an eyebrow at her. When she noticed Shelby staring back at her, she broke eye contact, bawling her hands inside the pockets of her trousers, keeping her head down while she kicked pebbles across the pavement. </p><p>“Uhm, so my friend Fatin is having a party later, down at the local beach. We're all gonna head there after last period if you wanted to come.” </p><p>“We?” </p><p>“Yeah, my friend group, and most of the class.” </p><p>Kahu could see Shelby debating everything in her head. She noticed that she looked kinda nervous for some reason, maybe she was thinking of a polite way of turning the offer down. </p><p>“It’s fine if you don't want to, I just wanted to offer-”</p><p>“No I do, it's just… I don't really know anybody except you.” </p><p>“Oh...” Kahu knows that's not a flirtatious thing to say, in fact, it most likely meant nothing at all because it was simply the truth, Shelby had just moved here and this is only her second day at school so the only people she knows is Kahu and dot. But she still couldn't stop her heart rate from racing ever so slightly. She's pathetic, it has only been a day and she already can't stop thinking about Shelby. </p><p>“Well, everyone is really cool. I think you would get along with my friends, especially Martha, you two have the same peppy vibe.” Shelby scoffed and nudged Kahu’s arm.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a compliment.” They both laughed and continued walking, a comfortable silence consuming them. </p><p>“Plus, Fatin's girlfriend is also American so you two can talk about like... American stuff or whatever.” Kahu decided to test the waters a little, she wanted to catch Shelby's reaction to the whole ‘girlfriend’ thing. She didn't know much about the south, but it was a very well known fact that they tend to be on the more homophobic side of things. </p><p>While Kahu was trying to decipher Shelby’s facial expressions, Shelby was having another breakdown in her head. </p><p>Another gay couple, not just one but two. Maybe even more, for all, she knew everyone in this town could be gay. Shelby felt that same feeling of safety overtaking her whole body. </p><p>She smiled. “I’d love that. It would be nice to talk to someone from back home, maybe she could give me some advice on blending in here.” </p><p>Kahu looked very relieved and surprised that Shelby didn't go full Westboro Baptist Church on her. “Blending in is boring. I like the whole barbie-pageant-princess thing you got going on. I mean, you look like every white girl ever but still manage to stand out somehow.”</p><p>“Thanks? I guess?” Shelby stared at Kahu with furrowed eyebrows as she scoffed. “I should probably be offended, but you’re too harmless and small to hurt my feelings.” </p><p>“Okay that was low, no need to bring height into it.” They both laughed as they reached the school. Kahu walked Shelby to her locker to make sure she remembered how to find it after yesterday, then headed to her own. </p><p>She threw her spare bag inside and grabbed some books she needed for her first few classes. When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she jumped slightly, only to turn around and see Fatin gawking at her and laughing. </p><p>“Woah chill big guy, it's just me,” </p><p>Kahu shoved Fatin back while the other girl laughed. “Fuck you. I told you not to do that asshole” </p><p>“Yeah yeah, it's not my fault you’re jumpy,” Fatin stood with her hoop earrings and overpriced backpack looking as basic as ever. If Kahu hadn't known her since Year Nine, they most definitely would not be friends today but here they are, and honestly, Fatin may purposefully annoy Kahu ninety-nine percent of the time but they still loved each other like family. </p><p>“Anyway, moving along, did you get our messages about later today?” </p><p>“Yeah, Dot told me this morning. How the hell did you steal three kegs off your parents, and how did they not notice?” Kahu was genuinely very intrigued. She knew Fatin’s parents and getting this past them would have been no easy task. </p><p>“So you’re coming then?” Fatin clearly wasn't willing to share the mission impossible fantasy. </p><p>“Of course I'm coming, why is that even a question.” </p><p>“Stop being a smart ass, if you’re coming, I need your help.” </p><p>Kahu sighed as deeply and dramatically as she possibly could, “Oh here we go I knew there was a catch, this all sounded way too good to be true.”</p><p>“Shut up, it is too good to be true. I just need you to help me bring the kegs down to the beach. You’re always telling me about those big boy muscles of yours so you can put them into action later.” Just as Fatin finished her sentence, Kahu saw Shelby walk by over Fatin’s shoulder. </p><p>“Uhm hello? Why aren't you spitting any snarky little comebacks at me? Do you feel sick, are you okay?” Fatin followed Kahu’s line of sight until her eyes met Shelby. “Ohh... I see.” </p><p>“You see what?” Kahu spun around to shut her locker, unimpressed that she let her guard down in front of Fatin of all people. </p><p>“You and Little Miss Yeehaw, huh? Not what I expected but I see it.” </p><p>“There’s nothing to see. Please don't be annoying for once,” </p><p>Fatin smirked at her and Kahu knew she didn't believe a single word she was saying. “So then you didn't invite her to the party?” </p><p>Kahu knew Fatin had won at this point so she swallowed down her pride. “I did. Now can you shut up?” </p><p>The laugh that came afterwards was sickening, God she hated that grin on Fatin’s face every time she successfully irritated her. </p><p>“No judgement dude, if I wasn't already in a loving relationship I probably would've gone for that too.” Kahu rolled her eyes and Fatin slung an arm over her shoulder as she dragged her to their shared first period. </p><p>-</p><p>The rest of the school day had been running smoothly enough. Kahu hadn't thought about Shelby at all until lunch. When she entered the cafeteria, she saw her friends sitting at their usual table, but before she joined them she scanned the rest of the room for Shelby. She saw a blonde ponytail by the lunch counter so made her way towards it. When she got there, she decided instead of saying hello like a normal person she would attempt to scare Shelby. </p><p>“BOO!” she yelled right by Shelby’s ear and nudged her shoulders slightly. The girl jumped and almost threw the sandwich she was holding into orbit. </p><p>“What in god’s name was that for?” When Shelby turned around to face Kahu, her eyes were wide, then Kahu realised just how close they were so she cleared her throat and took a step back. </p><p>“I thought it would be funny, I was right.” Kahu laughed and Shelby looked like she was still trying to calm her heart from beating out her chest. </p><p>“Yeah, you’re a real comedian y’know that.” Shelby's sarcastic tone did not go a miss, so Kahu just smiled wide at her.</p><p>“Come on, you can sit with us, wouldn't want you sitting alone like a loser,” she emphasised ‘loser’, dragging out the last letter while grabbing Shelby's hand and dragging her to their lunch table. </p><p>“Wait, I-” Shelby tried to protest but before she knew it, she was in front of six other girls who all turned to gawk curiously at her. </p><p>“Ay, it's the other American,” Dot, who Shelby had met yesterday, was the first to speak. She threw her hands in their air, “Welcome to the table Texas.” </p><p>Then Kahu, who was still holding Shelby's hand and didn't seem to notice, spoke up. “This is Shelby, she just moved here, so, no grilling her or being weird, you'll scare her off.” </p><p>Shelby who was still trying to gather her bearings, breathed out a timid greeting before scanning the table of girls. </p><p>“This is Rachel, and her sister Nora, they're twins.” Shelby looked between the both of them. They didn't look alike and not just their appearance but she could tell that everything about them was very different. Nora seemed to keep her head down, only looking up to give Shelby a small wave, while Rachel stared her down like she was trying to figure out Shelby’s whole life story in a matter of seconds. </p><p>“Next is Fatin, and Leah, the other American who I told you about. Oh and don't listen to Fatin too much; she's full of shit.” Kahu glared at Fatin and Shelby smiled. </p><p>“Well that's not a very nice way to introduce me, is it short stuff?” The whole table laughed a little and Kahu basically growled at Fatin. Shelby could tell they were close. </p><p>“And last but not least, we have Dot who you already know, and Martha’s the mum of the group, who I also told you about.” Martha gave Shelby a warm smile, patting the seat next to her for Shelby to sit. </p><p>Shelby was starting to feel less and less awkward as lunch went on. She settled into the comfortable buzz of conversation around her, and the dynamic of Kahu and her friends. </p><p>“Okay, but seriously, how did you do it?” Dot was waving a half-eaten banana menacingly at Fatin. “Tell us already, I don't know why you insist on being a mysterious bitch about it.” </p><p>“For once, I wholeheartedly agree with Dot. Tell us.” Kahu was quite literally on the edge of her seat, everyone else at the table rolled their eyes at the two of them and Shelby laughed. </p><p>“What are they talking about?” she whispered to Martha.</p><p>“They’re over dramatically asking how Fatin got the kegs for later.” Shelby raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything else, just sat back to observe the scene. </p><p>“Why are you two so nosy? I have them and that's all that matters so mind your business.” Fatin took another chip from the bag and threw it into her mouth while Leah leaned further back into her arm. Shelby couldn't help but smile at how cute they were. It amazed her to see them be so free and open and no one around them cared. She thought of Becca for a split second but pushed the memory deep down. </p><p>“It's not a matter of being nosy, we all know your parents. Stealing anything from them is mission fucking impossible, but if you’re not willing to tell us it must be a pretty lame story.” </p><p>“I see what you’re trying to do here Dorothy, it's not working.” Fatin took another chip from the bag and flung it, aiming it at Dot. Leah hit Fatin’s chest and Fatin choked out a fake wince. “Ouch, what was that for?” </p><p>“Don’t throw food. It's gross.” Leah, who clearly seemed to be the only authority over Fatin, turned her head back around and smiled at Dot. “Sorry for her behaviour Dottie, we’re still working on manners.” Then Fatin scoffed and started tickling Leah. The whole table was laughing again and changing the topic of conversation. </p><p>-</p><p>After lunch had ended, Kahu decided to walk Shelby to her next class. </p><p>“You don't have to keep escorting me to my classes y’know. I'm gonna have to figure it out sooner or later, plus I'm seventeen, I think I can manage.” Kahu looked slightly embarrassed. </p><p>“Yeah, but it wouldn't be very polite of me, as a tour guide, to leave you to your own devices on the second day of school now would it?” she smirked as they reached Shelby’s class. </p><p>“I’ll meet you by your locker after last period and we can head to the beach.” Shelby nodded at that and turned to walk into the classroom, but before she walked away Kahu spoke again. “Oh wait, I almost forgot, you don't have a change of clothes with you right?” </p><p>Shelby looked confused. “Do I need a change of clothes?” </p><p>“I mean, if you wanna sit in the burning heat and get sand in your uniform, that's up to you.” </p><p>“That doesn't sound pleasant. So no.” The bell for class rang but luckily Shelby’s teacher was late. </p><p>“You didn't tell me about this party until we had already left my house so I'm blaming you.” </p><p>“Okay fair, it's my fault, but nothing we can do about that now. I'll go home with you after school and you can get changed then we can head to the beach.” Shelby blushed slightly at the thought of Kahu walking her home, Kahu in her room, Kahu walking her to the beach. Why was she excited? They’re just friends, these things are normal between friends.</p><p>“Okay but you don't have to, I can go by myself. Didn't Fatin need you to help?” </p><p>“Fuck Fatin, she can wait. It's fine, I wanna go with you, and you don't know how to get to the beach so you need me.” Kahu smirked at Shelby again and the blonde noticed that she tends to do that a lot. It was cute. </p><p>-</p><p>When the school day had ended, Kahu grabbed her bag from her locker and went to meet Shelby.</p><p>“You ready?” Shelby looked over her shoulder to see Kahu standing with two bags. </p><p>“Yeah just give me one second.” Kahu noticed how organised Shelby's locker was, and how she put every book back in its place. It was interesting to her because she, on the other hand, had never been organised with anything in her life. </p><p>They walked to Shelby's house while talking about the party. When they arrived, Shelby turned to Kahu before opening the door. “Let me just check and see if my aunt’s home.” </p><p>Kahu looked at her, surprised. “Your aunt? You mean Allison is your aunt?”</p><p>“Yes, Allison is my aunt. Why is that so surprising?” Shelby questioned while opening the door. </p><p>“No, it's not I just wasn't expecting it is all. Never really thought Allison was the aunt type.” </p><p>“Yeah well, this is my first time seeing her in like 15 years, so I guess she wasn't the aunt type until my parents shipped me off,” </p><p>Shit. </p><p>Kahu looked confused for the second time in the space of two minutes. “Shipped you off?” </p><p>Shelby was hoping she didn't notice that part. She wasn't that lucky. “It's a long story,” </p><p>Kahu still looked confused. Shelby held her breath hoping she got the message and wouldn't ask any more questions. Thankfully, Kahu seemed to have understood and changed the subject. “I don't think she's home.” </p><p>“Yeah, she would be in the kitchen, but she's not here.” For the first time today, the air between them felt thin and awkward. </p><p>“Come on, you can change in here.” Shelby pulled Kahu into her room while she searched her wardrobe for something to wear. She pulled out a light yellow sundress and showed it to Kahu. “Is this okay?” </p><p>Kahu stared at the dress and then at Shelby. She would look really pretty in that. </p><p>“Yeah that's fine,” she tried to play it cool but there was a slight crack in her voice. Shelby just smiled knowingly at her and made her way into the bathroom to change. Kahu emptied her spare bag, pulling out her shorts and hoodie to put them on. When she was finished, she heard a voice from behind her. </p><p>“Wow, very classy,” Shelby giggled. </p><p>“Shut up, it's comfortable and I still look hot.” Shelby's smile changed to more of a smirk, the look in her eyes something Kahu didn't recognise, but it lasted less than a second so she shook it off and reached for her bag. </p><p>“Are you ready to go?” she walked towards Shelby, thinking about how she was right, Shelby did look really pretty in that dress. </p><p>“Yeah, just let me grab a sweater.” </p><p>They left the house and Shelby wrote a note for her aunt, telling her that she was going to the beach with some friends and she won't be out too late. </p><p>Kahu was increasingly excited for the rest of the day. As she walked down to the beach with Shelby, telling her some story of how Dot got a crayon stuck up her nose, she felt elated. Tonight was about to be interesting.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Jealousy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW Mild attempted sexual assault. </p>
<p>I felt like I should put a tw just incase but dw it's not too extreme, reader discretion is advised tho</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Kahu and Shelby reached the steps leading down to the beach, they could already hear the music from below.</p>
<p>“Kahu! Where the hell have you been loca?” She and Shelby turned to see Fatin behind them rolling a keg across the pavement of the parking lot.</p>
<p>“Hate to break it to you but your twilight references just make you sound lame.” Shelby laughed at the two of them.</p>
<p>“Yeah well, the opportunity was too good to pass up. But seriously where have you been? I needed help carrying this shit down to the beach.” Kahu looked over at Shelby who had opened her mouth to speak.</p>
<p>“Doesn't matter where I’ve been, I'm here now.” She cut Shelby off and the blonde looked at her confused, but Kahu just shook her head and mouthed ‘I’ll explain later.’ She grabbed the keg from Fatin who was struggling with it and carried it down the stairs.</p>
<p>“Don’t hurt yourself pop eye!” Fatin yelled down at her.</p>
<p>Shelby was still laughing when she felt Fatin’s gaze turn to her. “Hey Shelby, can you help me bring some of this other stuff down? It's just ice buckets, nothing too heavy.” She had only met Fatin mere hours ago but she already got a really good vibe from being around the girl.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Shelby took an ice bucket and some blankets from the trunk of Fatin’s jeep. While walking down the steps, she noticed how Fatin kept glancing at her and then back down to the party.</p>
<p>“So, what's your deal?” Fatin questioned while they were still a few flights of stairs above the beach.</p>
<p>“Pardon?” She looked over at Fatin, still watching the steps in front of her to make sure she didn't fall. The ice bucket slipping a little in Shelby’s now, clammy hands. “My deal?”</p>
<p>Fatin finally chuckled and looked over at her. “Relax Shelby, I just meant, like why are you here in NZ? And not that it matters,” she looked Shelby up and down before she continued, “but you seem like you got money, wouldn’t a girl like you wanna go to Europe or somewhere fancy?”</p>
<p>Shelby still got a harmless enough vibe from Fatin, but still, she has to admit she expected the first degree from Rachel or even Dot but definitely not Fatin. “Well, my aunt lives here. Besides New Zealand’s a very beautiful country.” She smiled back at Fatin, hoping that this would be enough of an explanation to at least get Fatin off her back for a bit. It seemed to have worked because she just shrugged as she looked out at the beach they both stood on.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re right about that last part.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>The party had merely started, but there was already around sixty kids on the beach. Shelby placed the ice bucket between two kegs and set the blankets aside on a piece of driftwood. There was, what looked to be, the makings of a fire in the middle of the party. She could see Dot and Nora hovering over it with matches, trying to set it alight. It was already 4pm and the sun had just started to change gradient, painting the shoreline in light gold.</p>
<p>Shelby was starting to feel very aware that she stood by herself in a crowd of people she didn’t know. She saw Kahu over by a fold-up table, pouring some drinks, so she made her way towards her. “Hey!”</p>
<p>“Oh hey, there you are. Here, I was just about to bring this to you.” Kahu held out a red solo cup to Shelby, who took it and smiled.</p>
<p>“What is it?” She looked into the cup, it appeared to be some sort of coke mixture.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry I'm not trying to spike you, it's just a vodka coke.” Shelby fake laughed and rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Oh, how kind of you to not try and kidnap me, thanks pipsqueak.” Kahu’s eyes widened while Shelby stood smiling menacingly at her.</p>
<p>“No. See, you've already spent too much time with Fatin. Pipsqueak? Really? That's hurtful. I'm hurt.” Kahu held her hand over her heart, furrowing her eyebrows for dramatic effect. “Where is the Antichrist. I'm gonna kill her.”</p>
<p>“I've known her for a few hours, I don't think she influenced me, just yet.” Shelby took a sip of her drink through a smile, keeping her eyes locked on Kahu’s.</p>
<p>Kahu swallowed a lump in her throat as she broke their stare. “Thank you for helping her carry that shit down by the way. That was cool of you.”</p>
<p>“It was really no hassle, I was coming down here anyway.” Kahu nodded, also taking a sip of her drink. “But, she did try to sus me out, I think? She just asked me what my deal was,” she stared down into her cup, the party getting progressively louder around them.</p>
<p>“Shit, I'm sorry, I should've known she was gonna pull something when she wanted to get you alone.”</p>
<p>“No it's fine, don't worry about it. She has every right to be curious about this new person that's suddenly hanging out with y’all.” Shelby could physically feel Kahu’s second-hand embarrassment so she tried to play it off. “Really, it's no big deal. Don't sweat it.”</p>
<p>They stood in silence for a few minutes too long. The music and bodies of sweaty teenagers engulfing them into the atmosphere of the party. Shelby heard Dot screaming ‘fuck’ so she turned to see what was going on.</p>
<p>“I told you this shit wasn't gonna light, look at these scrawny twigs you’re trying to call firewood.” She picked up one of the pieces of wood and it was, in fact, a stick.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, you go traipsing around the beach and look for some fucking wood that is adequate enough for you. I'm out,” Rachel dropped the rest of the ‘firewood’ at Dot’s feet and walked towards Shelby and Kahu, who were still at the drinks table; standing in silence.</p>
<p>“You good?” Kahu asked when she got to the table. Rachel gave her the stink eye before pouring straight vodka into a solo cup.</p>
<p>“Spectacular.” She fake smiled at Kahu and chugged the vodka.</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t drink?” Kahu questioned.</p>
<p>“What are you, my mum now?” Shelby felt the tension between the two of them but didn’t bring it up. She looked over to Kahu who was still staring Rachel down. “You know,” they both turned to her, “I bet I could get that fire goin’, I was a girl scout.”</p>
<p>“Of course you were.” Rachel scoffed, Kahu narrowed her eyes at her before turning back to Shelby.</p>
<p>“That sounds great, I’m sure Dot would actually love the help. She looks like she's about to lose it any minute now.” Shelby gave Kahu a smile, barely glancing at Rachel before walking away to help Dot, leaving the two alone. She didn't know if that was the best decision. She hoped they wouldn't fulfil the urge to kill each other when she finally was gone.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“Hey, Dottie!” Dot turned around, still on her hands and knees over the fire pit.</p>
<p>“Now’s not a good time Texas.” She struck another match along the side of the box and threw it into the wood.</p>
<p>“Here, give it to me, not to insult your intelligence but you’re doing it wrong. You gotta put the match underneath the wood then feed it oxygen. You can't just throw it on top and hope it'll catch.” Dot was staring at Shelby dumbfounded.</p>
<p>“Okay, I'm impressed Barbie. How do you know all that?” A flood of memories plagued Shelby’s mind. All the year's her father had taken her on hunting trips. How he had taught her to survive on just berries and showed her how to light a fire for warmth, build a shelter for protection. Then she shook her head and was back on the beach beside Dot and Nora who gawked at her.</p>
<p>“I was a girl scout.” The simple answer seemed to have more than satisfied Dot, whose eyes lit up like Shelby had just told her she was Santa Claus. “Hey, Nora could you go grab me some of that dry grass over there?” Nora gave her a small nod before getting up and heading towards the sand dune.</p>
<p>“She doesn't say much, well to strangers at least.” Dot explained but Shelby already seemed to understand Nora was quiet. While she worked on the fire, in her peripheral, she saw Dot turn in the direction of the portable table.</p>
<p>“Uh oh, trouble in paradise.” Dot spoke under her breath as if she hadn't meant to say it out loud at all, but Shelby still heard her. Curious, she turned to see what Dot was looking at. It was Kahu and Rachel.</p>
<p>Trouble in paradise? What did she mean by that Shelby wondered.</p>
<p>Shelby stood up and walked to stand by Dot’s side. “Huh?” It wasn't really a question and she cursed herself for sounding stupid. She hoped Dot understood that she was asking her to elaborate.</p>
<p>“Kahu and Rachel.” She pointed to them like it was obvious. When Shelby looked at the pair they looked like they were having a very heated conversation. Her brain finally caught up to her and registered what Dot had said.</p>
<p>“Are they like, a thing?” Shelby tried her best not to sound disappointed, but all she could think about was how stupid she felt. Kahu had no commitment to her. They had only known each other for two days so why was Shelby feeling like this? Her daddy was right. Jealousy is an evil rotten thing. A sin.</p>
<p>“I mean, it depends on your definition of ‘a thing.’ They were... weird for a while.” Dot looked like she was trying to find the right words, Shelby was still struggling to fully understand. Weird, what did that mean?</p>
<p>“I probably shouldn't be telling you this.”</p>
<p>“Well, it's a little late now don't you think?” The two of them stared at each other for a moment before Dot sighed.</p>
<p>“We’ve all been friends since Year Nine. Fatin, Kahu, Martha and I. We met Rachel and Nora at the beginning of Year Ten, Leah came a few months later. We were pretty inseparable, still are, but the dynamics in the group have changed over the years; Fatin finally stopped pinning over Leah and asked her out, Nora began to warm up to everyone and trust us as much as she trusted Rachel and Martha and I, we're just vibing the whole time to be honest, nothing really changed here.”</p>
<p>Shelby was listening to every word Dot was saying, she tried to take all of it in and not miss a beat. She wondered how she would fit into the group. They had all been friends for so long so who was she to come in and mess up their dynamic?</p>
<p>“And then there were Kahu and Rachel. It started last year. I noticed a change in them, they had always been pretty close but it felt different. They had a lot in common, so I guess they just figured it would make sense y’know? So they gave it a shot. They were never exclusively together so I wouldn't really call them exes but something did happen there.”</p>
<p>Shelby looked at Dot, then at the table where Kahu was still standing, but Rachel seemed to be long gone. “Do you know what happened to them?”</p>
<p>Dot shrugged. “Not really. I think they just mutually agreed that they were better as friends. Rachel was never the type to have a crush, or even show interest in anyone before Kahu. I think it was a bigger deal for her than it was for Kahu.” That pained Shelby. She didn't know why but she related to Rachel, or maybe she did know why, just refused to admit it.</p>
<p>For what felt like the millionth time today, she pushed the dark memories down. The memories felt heavy. That trapped her mind in a black mist. She has never gotten rid of them, just learned to ignore them. They don't intrude on her thoughts anymore. Or at least they didn't.</p>
<p>Shelby had no idea how she felt towards Kahu. She didn't really know her, yet she felt drawn to her.</p>
<p>Shelby hadn't noticed Nora returning with the grass until Dot placed a hand on her shoulder, pulling her from her thoughts. “We should probably get this fire going. The suns gonna start setting soon.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>After Shelby got the fire started, Dot and Nora cheered while dragging her to get a drink. Kahu had since left the table, and was now somewhere talking to some guys from the rugby team. Shelby couldn't stop thinking about what Dot had said. She wasn't planning to get drunk tonight, to tell the truth, she wasn't much of a drinker. She had only been drunk once at a party one of Andrews friend’s threw the night after Becca… after… She still couldn’t say it. Pathetic.</p>
<p>“Woah,” Dot was laughing as she grabbed Shelby's wrist. “Slow down there princess, you’re gonna regret that in the morning.”</p>
<p>Shelby stood with a bottle of cheap vodka in hand. Drinking it straight. It burned the back of her throat, down to her chest, and tasted like poison. It was by no means enjoyable, but she would drink the whole bottle if it could stop her mind from running a million miles per hour.</p>
<p>“That sounds like a problem for future me.” Shelby lightly took Dot’s hand and removed it from her wrist.</p>
<p>“Y’know what, I’m starting to like you more and more every second.” They smiled at each other and Shelby tipped the bottle of vodka in Dots direction before taking another long sip. She squeezed her eyes shut and ignored the burn in her throat. It was worth it, for now at least.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>The sun had fully set by now. Shelby lost track of exactly how long she's been at the party. She assumed it was around 8, maybe 8:30. Fatin and Leah sat on a log across the fire from where Shelby was sitting. She could see them talking; Leah wrapped in a blanket and Fatin with an arm slung around her shoulders. Similar to the way they had sat at lunch earlier. Shelby took another long sip of her drink. She had ditched the bottle of vodka at some point, although she can't really remember, all she knows is that she drank around half of it.</p>
<p>She also hasn't seen Kahu since she left the table. It has been hours since then and she couldn't help but feel annoyed that Kahu just left her. They came together and then Kahu ditched her, even though she barely knows anyone here. Kind of a dick move if you ask Shelby.</p>
<p>She was starting to feel very, very intoxicated now. At some point, some guy approached Shelby and sat beside her. She hadn't really noticed though, just continued to watch the flames of the fire before she heard him speak.</p>
<p>“I haven't seen you around before.” She really wasn't in the mood for this. She’s aware that she is conventionally pretty. The nice, pretty girl you would want to take home to your parents. She always got a lot of attention from guys, but at least when she was with Andrew, they hadn't dared approach her.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” was all she offered him. Then she saw Kahu across the fire by Fatin and Leah. Their eyes burned into each other. They just stared for a minute and she knew Kahu was hyper-aware of the boy that sat next to her. So with that, she turned to look at the guy.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I just moved here. It's only my second day.” She gave him a fake smile. What was she doing, this was a terrible idea.</p>
<p>“Where are you from?” The guy had moved a little closer to Shelby and she let him. She started this now she has to finish it.</p>
<p>“Texas.” The goal was simple: to make Kahu feel what she felt when she saw her talking to Rachel. It was vindictive and childish, but at that moment, with her vodka-drunk brain, it made perfect sense.</p>
<p>Kahu stared at Shelby. Her hands balling into firsts, one in her pocket and one around her drink. Why did it bother her so much to see Shelby talking to some random guy? She hasn't seen her for half the party, Shelby could have talked to lots of guys. After her talk with Rachel, she wasn't in a good mood and didn't want to make Shelby uncomfortable with her attitude so she kept her distance.</p>
<p>Kahu still didn’t even know if Shelby liked girls or guys or even both. Truthfully, it was none of her business. She shouldn't care, but she does.</p>
<p>The guy moves impossibly closer to Shelby and Kahu still can't rip her eyes away. Just watching them made her squeeze her cup harder until she heard the plastic crackle.</p>
<p>Shelby didn't have a plan anymore. She knew the guy’s intentions and she had encouraged him without thinking it through. He was leaning in to kiss her when she put a hand on his shoulder to hold him back. “I’m really drunk.” She hoped that he was a good guy and that this would be enough for him to get the message, but unfortunately, she was wrong.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, don't worry. Most girls kiss better when they're drunk.” He leaned in again and she pushed him with more force this time.</p>
<p>Kahu saw this from across the fire and she tossed her cup to the ground. Fatin turned when she felt a splash hit her shins. “-the fuck? What's wrong?” Kahu didn't answer her. She stormed over to where Shelby was and could hear what the guy was saying.</p>
<p>“Come on, don't be a tease.” He was still trying to grab at Shelby's hips.</p>
<p>“HEY. She said fuck off,” Kahu growled the words before tearing him off Shelby and pushing him back onto the sand. He shot back up and walked right to her. She felt his breath on her face but didn't back down.</p>
<p>“And who the fuck are you?” he spat at her.</p>
<p>The scene had now caught Fatin and even Dot’s attention who both looked at each other from their different positions at the party.</p>
<p>Shelby was scrambling to her feet in her drunken state. She grabbed Kahu’s arm and tried to pull her away. “I’m sorry, it's my fault, come on it’s not worth it.”</p>
<p>Kahu still stared blankly at the guy. Shelby had seen this scene far too many times. She always seemed to make the same mess, it's always her fault, yet other people have to deal with the consequences.</p>
<p>Dot was now next to Shelby and Fatin was on the other side of Kahu. “Come on.” Fatin’s voice sounded deep as she stared at Kahu like she was unlocking something in her. Kahu broke her stare from the guy and in that second Fatin dragged her back.</p>
<p>Then, Shelby heard Dot’s voice, she was looking at the douchebag. “You better get out of here. Before everyone knows you as the college student trying to take advantage of a drunk seventeen-year-old.”</p>
<p>He stared at Dot and then at Shelby before huffing, “whatever,” and leaving.</p>
<p>Shelby was so embarrassed. This was all her fault. She ruined everyone's night. She was supposed to make a good impression, not getting drunk and causing a scene.</p>
<p>“She’s a dork, but she’s really protective. She would do anything to keep her friends safe.” Dot broke Shelby from her thoughts for the second time tonight.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” Her voice was shaking and her eyes stung with tears.</p>
<p>“What? Why are you apologising? Are you kidding me, we should be the one’s saying sorry. What just happened was not your fault. Okay, Shelby?” Dot’s hands were on her shoulders while she started into Shelby's eyes, pleading with her to understand. “Guys are fucking assholes. I'm sorry that just happened to you.” Shelby let her tears fall freely as Dot pulled her into a hug.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Dot walked with her to where the rest of the group was sitting. She saw Kahu beside Fatin and after nodding to Dot, she went to go talk to her.</p>
<p>Kahu stood up when she saw Shelby. “Are you okay-”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry-” They both spoke at the same time. Shelby raised her hand for Kahu to go first as she let out a small laugh.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about that guy, I should've killed him.” Shelby stared at her. She could see what Dot meant. There was a fire behind Kahu’s eyes as she spoke. Like she meant every word.</p>
<p>“No it's my fault, I shouldn't have encouraged him.” Kahu frowned at her.</p>
<p>“Shelby. What happened was not your fault,” she said it like those were the only true words she had ever spoken. Shelby felt like she was going to cry again just by the way Kahu was looking at her. She was feeling a lot more sober than earlier but was still considerably intoxicated.</p>
<p>“Thank you. For doing that,” she looked at Kahu with red-rimmed eyes.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>They decided to leave the party not long after. While walking up the stairs Kahu noticed how drunk Shelby still was. “You’re pretty fucking wasted Texas.” Shelby stumbled up another step.</p>
<p>“Nooo,” she giggled, “…maybe a little.” Kahu joined her in laughing and wrapped an arm around her waist to help her up the stairs. When they reached the parking lot, Fatin offered them a ride, which they excepted because Kahu wasn't sure if Shelby would make the walk home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they pulled up to Allison’s home, Kahu got out of the car. “Do you want me to wait here while you bring her inside?” Fatin offered out the window as Kahu opened Shelby's door. The girl was half asleep at this point so Kahu transferred most of Shelby’s weight to her as she slightly held her up. All the alcohol seemed to have hit Shelby all at once.</p>
<p>“No, it's fine, I’ll walk. You don't have to wait. I'll probably be a few minutes, I wanna make sure she's alright before I leave.” Fatin raised both her eyebrows and smirked at Kahu. “Shut up Fatin.”</p>
<p>“I didn't even say anything,” she laughed.</p>
<p>“Yeah well, you didn't have to. Now go.” Fatin waved out the window and drove off. It was around half past midnight so Kahu assumed Allison was already in bed. All the lights in the house were off but there was a note on the door indicating that there's a key under the flower pot. Kahu grabbed the key and tried to unlock the door while also holding up a sleepy Shelby. She finally got it open and went inside as quiet as she possibly could.</p>
<p>“M’tired,” Shelby muttered the words into Kahu’s neck and she felt a shiver down her spine.</p>
<p>“I know. You’re home now so let's get you to bed.” She pushed open Shelby's bedroom door and walked the girl over to the bed before gently setting her down. She took her shoes off and pulled her legs up onto the mattress so she could lay down. After pulling the blankets over Shelby, she kneeled beside her. “Are you okay? Do you feel like you’re gonna puke or do you think you can go to sleep?”</p>
<p>“I’m okay, just am tired.” Shelby slurred her words a little and it made Kahu laugh.</p>
<p>“Get some rest okay? I'll see you tomorrow.” Kahu pushed back a stray hair that had fallen to Shelby's forehead. She stood up and turned to leave but before she could even take a step, Shelby grabbed her wrist.</p>
<p>“Can you stay?” Shelby's voice was small but clear. Kahu furrowed her eyebrows and looked at her for a minute before she just smiled.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Shelby smiled back at her and Kahu took off her shoes before walking to the other side of the bed. She climbed in and pulled the blankets over them again. She made sure to keep a good distance between herself and Shelby.</p>
<p>The room was dark, the only light being the moon shining through the windows. “Goodnight,” she heard Shelby's small voice ring in her ears even after she had stopped talking. She has to admit, this was not how she expected this night to go. She was angry that she wasted most of the party avoiding Shelby, and that it lead to putting Shelby in danger. She wished she could go back a few hours and stay by Shelby’s side for the entirety of the night. She’s gonna have to make up for the lost time and the tragic excuse for a party.</p>
<p>Then she realised, she had been staring at Shelby’s face only a mere, few inches away. She could see the light freckles on her nose and cheeks, her features soft and kind. Kahu’s heart felt like it was expanding in her chest. Shelby might be the prettiest girl she had ever laid eyes on.</p>
<p>“Goodnight Shelby,” she sighed into the air and with that, she fell asleep to the slow rise and fall of the other girls breathing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The morning after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the long wait again, I'm sure y'all are used to it by now. I've just had really bad writer's block and I still don't know how I feel about this chap but I wanna update for y'all it's been too long.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby woke, disoriented with her head pounding. She blinked one eye open and closed it just as fast when she was met with sunlight that felt like it was burning through her skull. She rolled over feeling an unfamiliar weight on the bed next to her. </p><p>Shit. </p><p>Shelby opened her eyes squinting, it seems the sun was still as relentless as it had been a minute ago, and through her blurred vision, she saw the outline of a girl in her bed. Not just “a girl” but Kahu. The memories from last night came flooding in. There were still gaps here and there, but she has a general idea of how the night turned out overall. However, the part she was trying to remember was completely blank. She had no clue how she got home or if she and Kahu- </p><p>She felt heat rise to her cheeks at the thought of anything happening between them. Then the embarrassment kicked in because if anything had happened Shelby has absolutely no recollection. She cursed herself under her breath and rubbed her palms into her eyes, aggravated and feeling ill. When she rolled over to grab her phone from the bedside table she heard a small sigh.</p><p>Freezing in place with her arm readily extended to grab her phone, she tried desperately not to move. If she stayed very still, hopefully, Kahu would roll over and go back to a deep sleep. </p><p>After a moment of holding her breath and staying in place, her arm was beginning to ache from keeping it up in the air. When she no longer heard or felt any movement she let her arm fall. It made a quiet thumping sound but Shelby, thinking Kahu had fallen back to sleep, wasn't too worried. That was until she heard a voice, low and groggy, still heavy with sleep.</p><p>“Good morning,” Shelby tensed, cursing herself for being weird but her body seemed to have its own reaction to Kahu’s raspy morning voice.<br/>
“I can't say I'm not surprised, I thought you'd be in a vodka induced coma for at least two days.” Kahu laughed lowly, she didn't seem to notice Shelby’s tense energy. </p><p>“Who said I wasn't?” Shelby had grabbed her phone from the table and dropped onto her back now laying flat on the bed. </p><p>“You, and the fact that you can form a coherent sentence.” Through the corner of her eye, Shelby noticed Kahu was laying on her side and looking straight at her. She tried to ignore the way Kahu’s eyes were trained on the side of her face and continued to scroll through her phone, but her cheeks were starting to turn red again.</p><p>“I feel like my brain is trying to break free from my skull,” she tried to play off her panic with all the humour she could possibly conjure up in her current state, and it wasn't a lie; her brain did in fact, feel like it would explode. Kahu was now laughing again and the sound made Shelby smile weakly. </p><p>“I’ll go get you some water.” Finally, Shelby turned her head to look at Kahu in protest but the other girl had already pushed off the blanket and was getting up. Shelby hadn't remembered anything from getting home last night and it was making her anxious. Especially right now, as Kahu removed the sheets and was clad in nothing but a sports bra and her shorts from last night. </p><p>Now Shelby really lost it. Time seemed to be working differently as she laid there in silence, engraving the image of Kahu into her memory, storing it away in a hidden corner to keep it there forever. Shelby didn't know how long she had been staring, but by the smirk that crept up on Kahu’s lips, she could safely guess it was longer than she probably should have. </p><p>“You don't have to do that, I can get it.” She tried to jump up out of bed, but when she made it to a sitting position her eyes felt like they were one movement away from popping out of her head. She groaned and squeezed them shut. “On second thought, maybe I can't get it.” </p><p>Kahu let out another soft chuckle and even though Shelby knew that if she opened her eyes the light would feel like tiny knives, she couldn't pass up on the sight of Kahu, her smile, her morning hair and olive skin turning gold from the sunlight. She was so beautiful and Shelby couldn't believe how lucky she was to even lay eyes on her.  </p><p>“It's fine. I'm sure you don't feel too hot right now so just relax, I'll ask Allison for some paracetamol.” Kahu was still smiling, she looked overly amused at Shelby’s discomfort and it just made the blonde even more embarrassed. </p><p>“Shit,” she let out a heavy sigh and plopped back onto the bed. “I forgot about Allison.” This could be a problem. Shelby knew that Allison was cool but she didn't know how she would react to Shelby coming home late, drunk, and with a girl. Especially when said girl is still there the next morning, wearing nothing but a bra and shorts while asking about medicine for Shelby's hangover.  </p><p>“I can say the meds are for me if you don't want her knowing you were drunk,” the caring tone to Kahu’s voice almost made Shelby melt. It seemed as though she was oblivious to how this might look and Shelby definitely did not want to tell her, but unfortunately, if Kahu wasn't catching on she had no choice. </p><p>“I think she's smarter than that, besides that's not the only problem.” The embarrassment was almost too much to handle at this point, but it had to be said so Shelby squeezed her eyes shut and continued. “She's gonna think something happened.”</p><p>Kahu stood firmly in place and Shelby searched her features for a few seconds before she saw the realisation hit her. Was she really this slow? </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- I guess I just hadn't thought of that even crossing her mind.” Shelby looked a little confused but Kahu forced herself to go on. “I mean you’re so obviously straight, won't she just think of it as a sleepover? I know I'm gay but it doesn’t mean I'm tryna jump the bones of every girl I meet.” The words were out of her mouth before she could even process them. She didn't mean for it to come off as aggressive but at the same time, she was sick of girls like Shelby always assuming the worst of her intentions. </p><p>Although that was just an excuse for her behaviour because in reality she had never met anyone like Shelby before and she had no idea who this girl really was. “That’s not what I meant Kahu.” Now seeing Shelby's face, she felt bad for snapping at her like that but she can't take it back, what's done is done. </p><p>“I know, I'm sorry. I don't know why I’m being weird-” Silence filled the room and Kahu stared at her feet, scared to meet Shelby's eyes, “I'm sorry,” the silence continued for a few moments longer. Kahu's heart picked up in her chest as she let her mind run over the fact that between last night and this morning, she probably just ruined whatever this was and Shelby won't want anything to do with her, but then she heard a reply. </p><p>“It’s okay stop apologising. I get it,” there was a moments pause, and then “but you’re wrong about me. Whatever you think you know, it's wrong.” Now she was just confused. She felt like there was a hidden message in Shelby's words that she was supposed to understand but she came up blank. “I mean, think about how this would look to my aunt. Me, her niece who likes girls, bringing home a girl after a party for a Sleepover,” and that was far too much to process right now. Kahu stared blindly at Shelby in silence, her jaw on the floor and her eyes wide. She tried desperately to find the right words, or any words at all.</p><p>“Oh,” was all that came out. </p><p>“Oh,” the Texan repeated through a laugh. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Shelby had never said that before. Even though she had known it for a long time and accepted it not too long after, she had still never said it out loud let alone to another person, one who she had just met.  But it felt good and true like she was finally becoming her own person. Allison had known it, so had her parents, that's why she was here in the first place. So why not let Kahu know too, why did it have to be a shameful secret. Shelby didn't want that. She was tired of hating herself and being scared, it was time to try something else, to feel something else. </p><p>“I didn’t know.” Kahu stuttered and the look on her face was priceless. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. </p><p>“Not many people do.” Shelby tried to play it cool, but the realisation that she had basically just come out to someone for the first time hit her and her knees felt weak. At that moment she was glad she wasn't standing up.</p><p>The room went silent again, neither of them knowing what to do or say. Shelby tried desperately to break the awkwardness but right as she started to open her mouth, she heard Kahu speak. “I’ll go get you that water, if Allison says anything I’ll explain what happened.” She was pulling her hoodie over her head when Shelby realised the reason she wasn't wearing a shirt was simply that she didn't have one with her. </p><p>“What did happen?” The question sent Kahu into another frenzy as she blushed profusely. Shelby tried not to laugh but with her nervousness and the sight of Kahu’s red cheeks, that wasn't an option. “I know nothing like that happened,” a chuckle escaped her before she could continue, “I just meant like how did we get home? My memory is a little patchy.” The tension in the air between them was palpable, it was awkward but also comfortable. </p><p>“Fatin drove us here. I was just gonna put you to bed and then go home but before I left you grabbed my hand and asked me to stay.” Shelby felt her cheeks burn, she watched Kahu fiddle with her thumbs, trying not to make eye contact. </p><p>As much as Shelby was mortified, she also felt her chest tighten at the fact that Kahu stayed to take care of her. Then she remembered how jealous she had felt seeing Kahu with Rachel and all the good feelings turned to sour ones. “I'm sorry if I was a mess-” </p><p>Kahu seemed to catch onto Shelby’s internal struggle and cut her off. “You weren't.” They both looked at each other for another minute before Shelby smiled weakly. “I’ll be right back with the meds, go get dressed, we’re gonna get you some food to help with that hangover.” </p><p>When Kahu left the room Shelby sat there in a daze. The past 24 hours had been way too eventful for her liking. </p><p>-</p><p>After Shelby managed to peel herself from her bed, she felt considerably more unstable. She threw on the nearest thing to hand, which just so happened to be her old track shorts and the navy-blue Yale t-shirt she got from her father after a long discussion about which Ivy League school she would be attending after graduation. That was before he found out about her “sinful desires”. If you asked him now, he probably wouldn't let her leave Texas without surveillance. </p><p>He thought that by sending her here with Allison he still had some sort of control. Shelby guessed that he trusted Allison to carry out his wishes: curfew at nine, straight home after school, no leaving the house until all homework is done correctly, and if she were to make friends it could only be with a good Christian girl and her dad would have to be notified of the girls family and home life. So basically, he treated Shelby more as property than his daughter. </p><p>She made her way into the kitchen, feeling the weight lift from her chest upon seeing Kahu pouring a glass of water, Allison nowhere to be seen. “I think she left already,” Kahu turned to face Shelby, handing her the glass and some ibuprofen.</p><p>“Thank you,” they smiled at each other before Kahu turned back to the sink, she still seemed a little more nervous than usual. </p><p>“Do you think you’re able to walk to mine? I told my mum I was taking the truck so we can go get something to eat.” Shelby gulped the pills down along with half a cup of water. Her head was still pounding but she was starving, plus a little fresh air wouldn't do any harm. </p><p>“The meds should kick in soon, I think I can manage walking down the street,” she strolled up to Kahu joining her by the sink tilting her head slightly so that she was just inches from Kahu’s face. “But only if you’re paying," the smirk on her lips was a mile wide and she saw Kahu’s throat move as she gulped.</p><p>She had no idea where this newfound confidence had come from but she wasn't complaining. Shelby reached to turn off the tap as the water was now spilling out of the cup Kahu was holding and onto her hand. They stayed face to face for a second longer before Shelby turned on her heels and backed away. Kahu's whole body relaxed and she took a deep breath before setting the glass of water aside. </p><p>“Are you coming?” Shelby called from the hallway. Now that she was aware of how easily she could make Kahu flustered, she could have a little more fun. She never had the opportunity to flirt with a girl before, so to put it plainly, she had virtually no experience other than some awkward dates with Andrew after his football games on a Friday night, thankfully that doesn't seem to matter. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, still in the kitchen, Kahu stood lifelessly shaking her head while muttering “what the fuck,” under her breath. Everything was moving a little too fast for her. Just last night Shelby was flirting with some guy and now she's telling Kahu she’s into girls and getting very, very close. She didn't know how to process all of this information, and sleeping in Shelby's bed last night definitely did not help. </p><p>The walk to get the truck was agonisingly quiet but when Kahu looked over at Shelby, she had the biggest smile on her face, especially for someone who has a hangover. “What are you smiling at?” She was debating whether or not to ask but in the end, she figured it's better to come off as nosy than to keep walking in silence. </p><p>“Its nothing, I just feel really happy right now.” Kahu didn't say anything for a few minutes but just smiled as she watched Shelby. The feeling in the pit of her stomach was becoming a lot to contend with, she had never felt like this before and it scared her because she’s barely scratched the surface with Shelby and her feelings are already this strong. </p><p>She was known in her friend group for not being the greatest with emotions and feelings and all that other good stuff that goes on mentally. Dot had tried to sit her down and get her to open up but it failed miserably, not because she didn't want to but because she was scared. She couldn't even figure herself out most of the time never mind letting other people into the mess that was her brain. She was over-emotional and she cared way too much, to the point where if anything she loved was threatened in any way, she would lose control. Only the people closest to her knew what she’s really like, all anyone else saw was a loveable delinquent who would do anything for a laugh. It was all a front.</p><p>She liked making other people happy even if it meant her feelings came second. People knew she was a little crazy when it came to protecting her friends so no one ever messed with their group and she was glad of that. Most people just saw the jokes and the laughs and Kahu was known as a kind person who everyone liked. </p><p>Looking at Shelby, Kahu saw right through her; she knew they were both the same. There was something there under the smile and the southern hospitality. Shelby was hiding so much more, and Kahu wanted to know why. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Before realising it, they were outside the dairy, a green pick up truck parked outside. </p><p>“Is this yours?” Shelby ran her hand along the side of the truck. There were vegetable crates in the back with old tarp barely covering them, she remembered how Allison had mentioned that she supplied the dairy with fruit and vegetables this truck was probably how they collected them. It was an old Ford pickup, nothing too special but Shelby liked it. It had its own charm and it suited Kahu to a T. </p><p>“It’s my sisters, well, it was my brothers first, he bought it when he was sixteen and fixed it up by himself so he could do delivery runs for extra cash. He was saving to go to a decent school so he could play rugby,” Kahu's expression was slightly unreadable and Shelby didn't know if she should let it go or keep talking. </p><p>She decided on the latter. “What happened?”</p><p>Kahu continued to stare at the dirt beneath her feet, “it worked out and when he moved my sister got the truck, unfortunately.” While Shelby stared at the vehicle in front of her she could tell that not getting the truck wasn't the whole reason why Kahu looked so upset talking about her brother, but she didn't wanna push it any further, instead, she made a mental note to ask more about him another time. </p><p>“I’ll go grab the keys from Mitch then we can head off.” The brunette finally looked up at Shelby and offered her a weak smile before retreating into the dairy leaving her alone outside. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>When she entered the dairy Kahu immediately saw her sister standing behind the register scrolling through her phone as usual. “Hey, can I have the keys to the truck? Mum said I can borrow it for a bit.” </p><p>Mitch hadn't even acknowledged her presence so Kahu grabbed the phone from her hands and took a step. “Give that back you little twerp.” </p><p>“Give me the keys and I'll give you your phone.” Good old fashioned blackmail was bound to work. </p><p>“Last time I checked, it's my phone and my car, why would I bargain with you? This is theft.” Mitch was still reaching over the counter to try and grab her phone but to no avail. </p><p>“Please just give me the keys I don't have time for this, Shelby is outside.” The expression on her big sisters face completely changed from a scowl to a smirk. </p><p>“So that's where you were last night, didn't you tell mum you were staying at Martha's because that's what I heard.” Kahu felt her heart drop. What type of idiot rats themselves out so easily?</p><p>“Why do you insist on making my life difficult?”<br/>
She let out a long dramatic sigh before handing the phone back to Mitch. </p><p>“Because I'm your sister, that's literally my only purpose. Don't worry pipsqueak I'm not gonna tell mum that you were at your girlfriend's last night.” Mitch was wiggling her eyebrows and laughing loving every bit of annoying her sister. </p><p>“She’s not my girlfriend, now give me the keys.”  her patients were running thin as she watched her sister stare at her a second longer before rummaging through her bag and pulling out her keys. </p><p>“Here. You better be careful, if you scratch my baby I'll kill you. And take that girl somewhere nice, don't be stingy.” </p><p>“Shut up.” Kahu was blushing as she turned to leave. She would never admit it but she loved being able to talk with Mitch like this, she knew how lucky she was but when they fought 24/7 it was easy to lose sight of that. At least Mitch was still here. She hadn't left her yet, but Kahu knew she would it was just a matter of time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. halloween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a month since Kahu nursed Shelby through her hangover. Over the past few weeks, she noticed how seamlessly Shelby had become another piece of their friend group puzzle. Every morning Kahu would show up at Allison's and they would walk to school together, it wasn't a spoken agreement but if Kahu was late Shelby would always wait for her. </p><p>Things were starting to change, slowly but surely Kahu felt how the air would shift if they locked eyes from across the table, or when their hands would brush against each other while they walked. She knew deep down why she would tense up whenever Shelby got a little too close, or why hearing her laugh made her stomach drop. </p><p>Ever since Shelby said she liked girls, Kahu couldn't stop thinking about it. It wasn't voluntary, whenever she caught herself daydreaming about Shelby and how different things could be between them, she shut it down almost immediately. They were friends and even though Shelby hadn't been here for long Kahu valued their relationship and didn't want to mess it up. Unfortunately, she was all too familiar with how feelings can ruin a friendship. Rachel had also been acting different ever since Shelby started hanging out with them more. She's always been overprotective of their group and been very strict on who they should and shouldn't hang around with but this felt different. </p><p>Kahu noticed the scowls and the sighs under her breath whenever Shelby was mentioned. It was enough to make her clench her fists when Rachel gave Shelby one too many dirty looks, but she never brought it up. The reason being that she hadn't spoken directly to Rachel since the night on the beach, and if that's any indication of future conversations then Kahu would kindly decline. Nora seemed to notice the tense energy between them because she brought it up a week after the party. </p><p>__</p><p>“Are you two good?” they were sitting in the bed of Kahu’s truck. Friday nights in the parking lot of a McDonald's was a common occurrence, Dot ploughing through the doors with at least 4 burgers, and Fatin slowly trailing behind, a strawberry milkshake in hand with Leah on her arm slowly eating the fries she was holding. Martha and Shelby followed, empty-handed and laughing about something they both found equally amusing. Rachel had cancelled last minute but Nora still came.</p><p>“Us two, being who exactly?” Kahu was looking down at her hands, twisting her ring around her finger. She did that a lot, it always seemed to calm her nerves. Nora was very observant which made it virtually impossible to hide anything from her and Kahu had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going because that meant she would have to rake through the mess that was her growing feelings. </p><p>“You and my sister,” Nora spoke barely loud enough to hear. She had always been quiet but she seems to retreat into herself, even more, when the topic is something important to her, which almost always equals Rachel. Nonetheless, Kahu’s relieved that she wouldn't have to talk about whatever was going on with Shelby. </p><p>“You tell me Nora. I haven't spoken to her since the beach, she made it very clear that she wanted it that way so I don't really know what you want me to say.” This was the old Nora she was speaking to, the Nora that tried so hard to not be noticed, the girl that cared too much, felt too much, and didn't know how to deal with any of it. She needed to be handled with care, or else she would shut down. Kahu knew that, but as per usual the word vomit was spilling from her lips before she could stop it. Immediately she felt awful but This topic frustrated her to no end and she couldn't help her reaction. </p><p>“I’m sorry, it's none of my business.” Kahu could see it happening. Nora pulled her knees impossibly closer to her chest and she picked at a stray thread on her sweater. </p><p>“Nora,” gently, Kahu took the hand that was picking at the thread and pulled it into her own lap. “I didn't mean it like that,” they just looked at each other for a minute longer and she gave Nora’s hand a gentle squeeze, an unspoken understanding between them. </p><p>That's one of the reasons she loved Nora so much, they were completely different but still seemed to understand each other perfectly. </p><p>“I’m just worried about her, she’s been acting off lately. Training a lot longer and talking a lot less, even by my standards.” She let out a soft laugh that was more like a puff of air but Kahu still caught it. </p><p>“Listen Nora, I care about her too, but she told me in not so many words that she didn't want to talk to me for the foreseeable future. My hands are kinda tied with this one.” Nora kept eye contact for a beat longer before turning to look at their mess of friends in the parking lot. </p><p>“I don't know what happened between you guys, none of us do, but I know my sister, and I know she's hurting. I'm not saying that’s on you, I'm just trying to get the full picture so I can help her.” Kahu was still looking at Nora while the other girl stared out into the lot. The dim lights above them were little help when trying to decipher Nora’s facial expression.</p><p>“Maybe she doesn't want you to figure it out,” there was a pause and this time Kahu thought about her next words and chose them carefully. “Maybe she’s trying to figure it out for herself.” </p><p>Nora turned her head back around to look at Kahu. She looked confused, like the idea of Rachel going through anything without her was foreign territory for the both of them. She looked unsure but also as though she knew Kahu was probably right and that she should give her sister space. She and Rachel had never had space in their lives; when you’re a twin, space is a luxury. </p><p>Before Nora could even think about an answer, the cluster of girls were back at the truck. No one had seemed to notice the tense energy, except for Shelby of course. That girl was like a bloodhound when it came to tension or energy and she always seemed to know how someone was feeling. It was kinda creepy if Kahu was being honest, but also really annoying because you couldn't get anything past her. </p><p>“You okay?” Shelby mouthed just a few feet away, Kahu gave a small thumbs up and a smile but Shelby looked unconvinced. </p><p>—</p><p>“Okay so, Halloween is less than a week away, you bitches better have your shit together because we do not do last-minute costumes. I'm not going to this party with a bunch of losers dressed as ‘whatever you could find in your dads closet.’ Yes, I'm talking to you, Dottie,” everyone laughed at Fatin but also knew she was completely serious.</p><p>“What party?” Shelby looked slightly nervous as she spoke, as if she was still embarrassed after what happened last time. </p><p>“Every year this rich kid that lives up on the hill throws a party for Halloween, something about his parents working abroad. They practically have no neighbours because the property has a ton of land so it never gets shut down. Last year, Fatin and I were there until like 10 the next morning,” the look on Leah's face was very disapproving and Fatin smiled weakly at her before turning to punch Dot in the arm. </p><p>“Thank you for the reminder asshole,” Fatin spoke through gritted teeth while Dot winced and rubbed her arm. </p><p>The rest of the group fell into idle conversation but Kahu was still looking at Shelby. It was lunch and they were at their usual table, Kahu sitting right across from Shelby so her staring was quite obvious. They locked eyes which was normal, but instead of smiling like she usually would, Shelby just held eye contact and her expression was unreadable. They would play these games sometimes and Kahu never knew what they meant, maybe Shelby didn't even know what she was doing either and Kahu daren't ever brought it up for fear of her looking like a complete idiot.</p><p>They walked home together after school as normal. </p><p>“Are you going to the party?” Shelby's voice sounded hesitant like she was hoping Kahu would say no. Her fingers tightened around the straps of her backpack while she dragged her feet. </p><p>“I don't know, it’s kind of a ritual. We all go together every year and I feel like if I didn't go Fatin would banish me from the group,” she joked in an attempt to lighten the mood but Shelby just smiled weakly. </p><p>“Yeah, you’re right, you should definitely go,” the air between them grew even heavier and Kahu was lost. She’s not completely useless, she knew that Shelby was having second thoughts about the party and that maybe it was because of what happened on the beach.</p><p>“We should get matching costumes.” Shelby finally looked up from the ground and looked at Kahu curiously, “y’know like a famous duo or something, I mean the only thing I have to wear is my mum's old suit so we’re limited but I'm pretty sure we could make something work. Just one that’s not too corny because Fatin will kill us.” Shelby laughed and Kahu smiled at her, she wasn't sure if she should bring up the beach but now she's glad she had chosen not to.</p><p>“Okay, I'll see what I can find.” </p><p>___</p><p>Somehow they had settled on going as Baz Luhrmann's version of Romeo and Juliet, and Kahu knew that this was a terrible idea. The excuse was something about Shelby having a near-identical white dress and the fact that Kahu only had a suit to work with, which was questionable because Kahu had seen that movie and she's pretty sure Leo was wearing metal armour, but here they were. Shelby had made a pair of wings and done her hair exactly like the movie, also making sure that Kahu wore her hair down. If anything good came from having to play a couple with Shelby for a night, it was that she definitely wasn't half-assing this costume, Fatin would be proud. </p><p>“We look amazing,” they were in Shelby’s room, she had grabbed Kahu to stand in front of the mirror so she could get a better look at the two of them together.</p><p>“You look amazing but then I look like a pubescent boy going to their first primary school dance.” The suit her mum lent her was plain black and it fit snug but not too tight, she paired it with one of her white school shirts and she couldn’t find a tie so she just left the top button open. </p><p>“Shut up, you look hot,” the words didn't process in Kahu’s mind at first, but when they did her breath caught in the back of her throat and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. How do you reply to that? Your maybe-crush tells you that you’re hot while you’re standing less than 5 inches from each other and you’re supposed to speak actual words? Impossible. Her mind went blank and she just stood there, her body screaming for her to move or say something, anything, but she didn't and Shelby just laughed. “Come on, we're gonna be late.” </p><p>When they arrived at the party, Kahu was still stuck on Shelby's words. If it had been anyone else she wouldn't have thought twice about it but because Shelby had been doing this a lot lately, she was just overanalysing everything. Between the weird stares and Shelby being way more touchy than usual, her calling Kahu hot was the last straw. She couldn't take it anymore and it was driving her insane, she used to pride herself on being good with girls but with Shelby, it was completely different; she had no idea what the blonde was thinking half the time or whether she was even trying to flirt. </p><p>When she noticed Shelby had stopped walking she pulled herself from her internal turmoil to look back at her from where she stood in the driveway. “Hey, you good?” </p><p>“Sorry, yeah I'm fine,” she continued walking but Kahu furrowed her eyebrows at the look on Shelby’s face. She looked distant and nervous so before she could even think, Kahu grabbed her wrist as she was passing. </p><p>“We don't have to go in if you don't want to,” she knew this was about the beach and what happened that night, her heart sank because she wanted to help Shelby but she knew that she couldn't, not really. </p><p>“I was drunk and using someone knowing I could get hurt. Stuff like that just sticks in the back of your mind. I know it's stupid because nothing even happened but it doesn't stop me from thinking about what could've happened if you guys… weren't there.” Kahu slid her hand from Shelby's wrist down to her hand and interlocked their fingers. </p><p>“It’s not stupid Shelby,” she meant every word, and she hoped Shelby knew that. “We don't have to go inside, we can leave right now if you want to.” </p><p>“I’m okay, if you stay with me I'll be fine.” Kahu’s skin burned at the contact of having Shelby’s hand in hers. They held eye contact and Kahu wanted to move but she couldn't. </p><p>“Of course I’ll stay with you,” she was surprised the words hadn't caught in her throat on the way out. They stood there for a second longer, hands attached, the converse Kahu was wearing not helping their height difference at all. </p><p>“Let’s go then.” Shelby pulled Kahu towards the house, her body jolting forward before she skipped a little to catch up to the taller girl, their fingers still intertwined. </p><p>___</p><p>When they got inside the house was even bigger than Shelby had thought. There were a double staircase and a huge chandelier as soon as you walked in the door, her house back home was larger than average but nothing compared to this. The house was filled to the brim with sweaty teenagers, some of which Shelby had recognised from school and some she had never seen before, most likely from neighbouring schools.</p><p>Kahu was still holding her hand which helped settle her nerves, last time she went out was a colossal disaster so her hopes weren’t too high for tonight. They pushed their way through the mess of teens and into the kitchen where they found Fatin and Dot pouring drinks. </p><p>“Holy shit, you guys look amazing.” Fatin was yelling over the loud music, Kahu knew that she would be impressed by their costumes but she looked elated. “At least somebody put some effort in,” she turned to Dot who was stood beside her in a cheap curly wig and some hair glued to her face. </p><p>“I’m Bob Ross.” She looked almost hurt. </p><p>“You’re definitely something,” Fatin gave Dot another head to toe look before handing Kahu a drink.</p><p>“And what are you supposed to be?” Kahu tried to speak over the music and Shelby was also curious but she wouldn't dare ask Fatin such a question especially when she seemed so invested in Halloween. </p><p>“I’m Regina George on Halloween, and for your information, my costume is actually pretty fucking spot on.” Dot scoffed and Fatin whipped her neck to glare at her while Kahu and Shelby both laughed. </p><p>“You just look like a bunny to me.” Kahu was being very brave. Fatin was about two seconds from jumping on her and bare-knuckle fighting right in this very expensive kitchen. </p><p>Shelby decided to break the tension before these two decided to break each other’s ribs. “Where’s everyone else?” she spoke mostly to Dot but Fatin answered anyway. </p><p>“They're outback, it's too cramped in here. They're waiting on their drinks, Kahu can you grab Nora's for me, my hands are full.” Fatin motioned her head toward the counter behind her and Kahu moved to take the drink, releasing her hand from Shelby's and just then did Shelby realise they had still been connected, her hand feeling cold from the lack of warm skin. </p><p>She tried not to think too much about how it felt when Kahu held her hand and how much she missed the touch now that it was gone.</p><p>The four of them walked through the patio doors into a large backyard equipped with a pool and boathouse looking onto a lake. There was still a cluster of people outside but not nearly as many as there was in the house. Shelby could see Leah, Nora and Martha as she approached but yet again no Rachel. Martha was dressed as what appeared to be a frog, she looked adorable and Shelby made sure to tell her that. Leah had gone as some author Shelby couldn't even pronounce and Nora was wearing a grey moustache and a lab coat with some goggles. Now she knew why Fatin had gotten so excited over her and Kahu’s costumes. </p><p>The party was going fine, they stayed in the backyard talking and drinking until it got cold, then they made their way back into the house. At this point, Fatin and Dot were wasted and Nora was heading home. Shelby had opted out of drinking after the events of her last hangover while Kahu was slightly buzzed along with Martha and Shelby watched them dance over-enthusiastically to Juicy playing loudly from the speakers. The night wasn’t what she was expecting, she had actually enjoyed it so far since their group had secluded themselves from the rest of the party, only needing each others company to have a good time, but now as they were inside she could see the atmosphere shifting as everyone seemed to get progressively more intoxicated. </p><p>When the song was over Kahu trailed her way back over to Shelby, slightly unsteady but still fully conscious. </p><p>“Hey there Texan,” she slung her arm around Shelby pulling her into a hug. The alcohol seemed to be hitting more now than it had 10 minutes ago, the adrenaline from dancing was not helping. </p><p>“You’re drunk,” Shelby laughed almost nervously, the feeling of Kahu’s hand in hers was still present and now having the smaller girl pressed against her in a hug, it all felt like a lot for one night. She had done well to keep whatever feelings she had for Kahu at bay until she can figure out what they mean but for the past few days, it's been falling apart. The looks have become darker and the touches lingering for a second too long, but this. This was a new level, this was a disaster waiting to happen. </p><p>They stood there like that for a while before Shelby felt Kahu’s breath on her neck. She must have changed positions and now Shelby's whole body went stiff.</p><p>“You always smell like cherries.” Kahu barely spoke but the words vibrated against her neck and Shelby swallowed hard. Kahu stayed there for a second longer before pulling away. “I’m tired, can we go now,” and before she could even answer she was being pulled through the crowd. Not even having the chance to say goodbye to their friends just heading straight out the door and into Kahu’s truck. </p><p>They had been at the party for about 4 hours, which honestly was more than enough for Shelby in her sober state but she was still so surprised to be pulled out of the house in such a hurry. They had planned to stay at her house so without another word Shelby turned the engine on and drove them both back to Allison's. Kahu didn't speak the whole ride there and Shelby had no idea what was going on, first, she was getting very close and now she made it feel like she couldn't get far enough away. This hot and cold was unsettling, to say the least. </p><p>After a ten minute drive, they made it back to the house. Shelby’s nerves were getting the better of her when they got inside and Kahu still hadn't said another word, she took an old shirt from her drawer and gave it to Kahu. </p><p>“I’ll go get you a glass of water,” the awkwardness was frankly too much to bear and Shelby needed an excuse to get out for a minute. </p><p>“Wait,” Kahu still slurred slightly but she sounded considerably soberer than she had been pressed against Shelby's neck. “Sorry I wanted to leave so abruptly.” </p><p>Shelby turned to meet her eyes, “It’s fine, I was getting tired anyway so I'm glad,” she offered a smile but Kahu didn't return it. </p><p>“Shelby, what are we doing?” she took a sharp intake of breath, nothing could have prepared her for that question because the truth is she didn't know the answer and it had been on her mind since that night on the beach. </p><p>“What do you mean?” playing dumb seemed like the safest option. She didn't want to have this conversation with a sober Kahu let alone the not so sober version. </p><p>“I mean this,” Kahu took a step forward and took her hand, interlocking their fingers like she had done earlier that night. Shelby felt the burn return to her skin, revelling in it for a moment too long, letting her mind wander until she realised where they were and what was happening and she was snapped back down to earth. This couldn't happen. Not right now. </p><p>She pulled her hand away, the emptiness from earlier that night returning. “You’re drunk. I'm gonna go get you some water,” she turned her back to Kahu and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt the need to scream scratch at the back of her throat.</p><p>Why now? Why was this happening tonight of all nights? It was too fast and Shelby didn't even have time to process what was happening, she still had no idea what was going on with Kahu and as much as she wanted to say she had herself figured out, she didn't. Yes, she had accepted the fact she likes girls but the years of her father’s teachings were still plaguing her mind, she didn't want to hurt Kahu. She needed more time. </p><p>—</p><p>Kahu hadn't been able to take her eyes off of Shelby since she sat down. Leah was telling some story about this lady she encountered at work who ordered the most horrendous coffee she ever had to make. Kahu didn't catch much of it though, she was too preoccupied with the way the dim light in the backyard hit Shelby’s golden hair, and the smile on her lips as she laughed at Leah’s story. </p><p>“You’re quite obvious you know,” Nora’s voice pulled Kahu from the one way staring contest she was having with Shelby. </p><p>She looked at Nora but didn't say anything, knowing that if she tried to lie she would just look stupid so instead, she went with changing the subject. </p><p>“How’s Rachel?” Kahu didn't necessarily want to have this conversation either but it trumped talking about Shelby and even though they weren't talking, she was worried about Rachel. </p><p>“She’s doing better, I'm still worried about her but at least now I know she’s safe. She said she wasn't in the mood for a party so she's at home catching up on assignments.” Nora took another sip of her drink. </p><p>“I’m glad,” it was genuine, she still loved Rachel as much as she loved all of her friends. At least, she hoped they were still friends. </p><p>“You should talk to her,” the last thing Kahu wanted right now was to talk about her current crush with her ex-girlfriend's twin sister but alas here she was. </p><p>“It’s complicated,” she sighed into the air, downing the rest of what was in her cup. </p><p>“Look, I'm not one for petty romance problems but I see the way you look at her and I'm not pretending to know how you feel because I don't but beating around the bush is getting you nowhere,” the truth felt like a punch in the gut, and Kahu could always rely on Nora for dealing the finishing blow. </p><p>“Yeah, I know,” she said simply.</p><p>They fell silent and turned their attention back to their friends, they both knew the conversation was over and everything that had needed to be said was out there. </p><p>After at least 3 more vodka and cokes, Fatin stood up and suggested that they should head inside as it was starting to get cold. Kahu hasn't paid much attention to Shelby since her not-so-comfortable confrontation with Nora, focusing more on drowning out those thoughts with alcohol. When they got inside, she was feeling way more intoxicated, probably due to the atmosphere, loud music and the hundreds of sweaty bodies that filled the house. </p><p>She heard the beginning of Juicy echoing through the speakers and her eyes immediately darted to Martha who was already grabbing her hand and pulling her to the makeshift dance floor. This had been their song since they were 14 years old, one summer evening while they were driving around in Mrs Blackburn's car, it played over the radio and they had been singing it ever since. </p><p>Dancing with Martha had distracted her a little but made her feel a lot more drunk, her mind now replaying Shelby calling her hot a few hours earlier and in her hazy mind, she had conducted a plan. When the song ended, she left Martha to search for Shelby, finding her in the kitchen. When she started walking she noticed how unstable she was and tried her best to act like she was not one wrong step away from falling flat on her ass. </p><p>When she reached Shelby the sober part of her mind was screaming at her to hit the breaks on whatever it was she was about to do. That part hadn't been decided yet. She felt herself put her arms around Shelby's neck before she could even think about it, her body now moving on its own accord. Shelby was taller than her so her head was right at the base of the blonde's neck as she spoke into her skin. She always smelled like cherries. </p><p>She was pulling Shelby through the crowd of people, her mind still trying to catch up when they reached the car. The ride was silent and Kahu had no idea what she was doing, she tried to gauge Shelby’s reaction but when she looked over it was too dark to see anything. </p><p>Shelby handed her an old shirt when they got into her room, Kahu had some sort of plan, she had a reason for dragging Shelby out of the party but right now she was struggling to remember so she came up with another one on the spot. It wasn't a good one and she would definitely regret it in the morning but she knew from the look on Shelby's face, she needed to give her an explanation and fast. </p><p>“I’ll go get you some water.” </p><p>“Wait,” her body was moving forward, a hand reaching out to take Shelby’s. “Shelby what are we doing?” and that was it. Whatever unspoken truth that neither of them had the guts to address was now spoken.</p><p>And then it all went so fast, one minute Shelby was in front of her, and the next a door was slamming in her face. Alone in the darkness of Shelby's bedroom, Kahu’s mind had finally caught up. </p><p>What the fuck did she just do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello again! sorry for the super inconsistent updates, and thank you to everyone who’s still reading and leaving comments it means a lot!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Following the awkward event in Shelby's bedroom, Kahu spent the rest of her weekend locked in her room, watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and eating her body weight in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.</p><p>Mitch had knocked on her door exactly five times that Saturday, but when she was met with an old sneaker to the head she got the message, thankfully leaving Kahu in peace on Sunday, or so she thought. At around 5 in the afternoon, Kahu was just getting to the peak of Willow and Tara’s tragic relationship when she heard an obnoxiously loud thump on her door.</p><p>Naturally, thinking it was her sister here to annoy her yet again, she jumped out of bed with a sigh, grabbing another shoe and getting ready to fire it at whoever was behind the door. Unfortunately, it was not her sister.</p><p>Instead, it was a very angry Dorothy. “OW! What the fuck dude?” she made another pained noise, her hand now holding the spot on her head where the shoe had hit. </p><p>“Shit, sorry I thought you were Mitch.” Kahu stepped aside from the door, motioning for Dot to come in. </p><p>“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she brushed past Kahu kicking some dirty laundry that was sprawled out across the floor. “You’re disgusting, you know that right?” she plopped onto the bed and glanced at the tv. </p><p>Kahu sighed, a pained expression growing on her face as she looked down at her friend on the bed. “What do you want?” she was slightly annoyed at this point, she planned to stay in the dark of her room for the foreseeable future, over-stimulating herself with bad 90s vampire shows and junk food so her brain doesn't form a thought. Because that would most likely result in having to acknowledge what happened with Shelby and she would really rather ignore that entire night. </p><p>Dot unsurprisingly ignored the question, instead, she motioned towards the tv that was now displaying a very bad CGI werewolf. “This crap, again, seriously?”</p><p>“It’s comforting.” She wasn't about to give Dot a whole lecture on nostalgia and was quite frankly too irritated by the intrusion to even try, so instead, she left it at that.</p><p>“You know what else is comforting?” she paused, grabbing a towel from the dresser. “A bath,” she turned to throw the towel at Kahu. “You reek.” </p><p>“Okay, if you’re just here to insult me you can leave now.” She tried to walk back to her bed but Dot blocked her path. This was getting really annoying really fast. </p><p>“Go take a shower and get dressed we’re going out.” </p><p>“Like hell I am.” She knew better than to resist Dot, this was one battle she could never win but that didn't stop her from trying. </p><p>As expected she lost. Dot had grabbed her by the waist and slung her over her shoulder, walking her to the bathroom and dropping her in the shower. </p><p>“Shower. We're going out,” she ordered and Kahu wasn't intimated but she also wasn't stupid enough to argue.</p><p>She showered for the first time since Friday evening and the memories of that night came flooding back. Her breath on Shelby's neck and the way she pulled her through the party and out the front door. She squeezed her eyes shut trying desperately to push the memories down.</p><p>She showered until the water ran cold, grabbing her towel from the rail next to her and sighing as she rubbed it hard into her face. What she said to Shelby could easily be passed off as a meaningless comment in her drunken stupor, she could have played it off acting like she had no recollection of the night what so ever, but instead, in true Kahu fashion, she just ignored Shelby and let this weird awkwardness form between them. </p><p>Dot knocked on the bathroom door not long after, pulling her from her thoughts. </p><p>“I really hope you’re not dead in there.” </p><p>“Shut up.” Usually, she would laugh, she always found Dot very amusing, but in her current state, she couldn't bring herself to be anything but annoyed. </p><p>When she re-entered her bedroom, she saw Dot on her bed eating her half-full tub of ice cream. She has changed channels and was now watching Shrek, of all things. </p><p>“I know Fatin has got a target on your head, but If you get ice cream on my bed I will kill you myself.” She turned away from her friend looking through her closet for something to put on. </p><p>She grabbed the closest pair of shorts to hand and what looked like a black Jersey from the floor of the closet. After picking it up she realised what it was, her brothers old Jersey from when he first made the all blacks team. She starred at it for a bit, getting lost in her thoughts, then debating whether to put it on or throw it to the back of her closet. </p><p>“You good?” Dot’s voice pulled her back to reality while simultaneously helping her make up her mind. </p><p>She pulled the jersey over her head and turned back to her friend who just looked at her with this empty stare. </p><p>“I’m fine.” </p><p>They left not long after, Kahu was still unsure as to where they were going or what they were doing but Dot had told her to take the truck so she had got the keys from a very angered Mitch and was now driving God knows where. </p><p>“So… are you gonna tell me what happened or not?” It was a nice evening, the sun was shining and Dot was leaning on the passenger side window ledge, her hand outside the car waving through the air against the wind. </p><p>“That’s not like you, being all cryptic and shit,” Kahu replied trying to change the subject, she really didn't want to talk about this right now.</p><p>Dot pulled her hand in, now sitting up straight and turned to look at Kahu. “Seriously, what happened. You and Shelby leave abruptly without saying goodbye to anyone after Martha saw you all over her and now you've been locked in your room for the past two days, ignoring everyone.” </p><p>Fantastic. Dot noticed, Martha noticed, Fatin definitely fucking noticed, and Shelby wasn't even drinking, so for her not to notice Kahu’s huge sign on her back reading ‘hey I really like you. is a very unrealistic probability.</p><p>“I fucked up.” </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>She could hear it in Dot’s voice that she was worried. She knew that her friend thought this situation was much worse than it actually was but to Kahu, it felt world-altering like she would never be able to live it down and she wanted to crawl into a hole and never leave. </p><p>“I- fuck,” she paused, heaving a long sigh and banging her head against the headrest. “After I dragged her out of the party we went back to hers.” </p><p>“Okay,” Dot sounded soft and Kahu knew what she was thinking so she shut it down immediately. </p><p>“No dude, Jesus not like that. We just talked.” </p><p>“Okay. I mean, the way you were explaining it- sorry but can you blame me for thinking that.” </p><p>She knew Dot was right but she just blinked, not answering her. </p><p>“So if you just talked then what's the hiding about?” </p><p>At this point, she had realised that there was no getting out of it. No matter what, the outcome will always be the same, she has to tell Dot, because they have been friends for year's and if there's one thing Kahu has learned about the other girl, it's that she doesn't let things go. Especially when one of her friends are obviously struggling. </p><p>“I said something that I wish I didn't, and she reacted just how I had expected she would so this is not her fault.” She made that clear. She knew Dot was thinking Shelby had done something or said something to hurt Kahu but in reality, she had done this to herself. </p><p>“Look, I know you. I've seen what you’re like about these things. I don't know what you said to her, maybe you don't want to tell me and that's okay, I'm just saying that you tend to read things all wrong, maybe this is one of those times?” </p><p>And with Dots, words the very thin line that was her patients seemed to snap yet again. “I don't think that having a door slammed in your face after basically telling someone that you feel something for them is a good sign, still think I'm not reading the room correctly?” </p><p>Dot just blinked slowly at her. </p><p>“Listen, dude, I appreciate this, I really do but there's nothing you can say that will make me feel any less shitty, so can we get to the point.” </p><p>“Pull over.” Dot demanded. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Pull the car over.” </p><p>Kahu did as she was told and pulled up beside a stretch of grass. She sat in the driver seat glancing frantically at Dot who just got out of the car and reached into the truck bed grabbing the old rugby ball. </p><p>“Come on.” </p><p>Kahu stared at her for another minute watching her figure walk further into the field before she got out of the car and joined her. Dot tossed the rugby at her. </p><p>“What are you doing Dot?” she sighed as she caught the ball. </p><p>“I wanna play for a bit like we used to. Something wrong with that?” </p><p>Kahu felt a pang in her chest. Memories of days long gone revisited her mind, the huge neighbourhood games they would play as kids, her brother always the captain and always picking Kahu first even though she was smaller than most of the kids and scrawnier too. Their mums would get mad when they came home covered in dirt and sometimes bloody knees. Tama would get in trouble for letting Kahu play but he’d just smiled at her while being scolded. </p><p>“No, nothing’s wrong with it.” They tossed the ball back and forth for a while and Kahu felt a weird sense of contentedness washing over her. </p><p>“I’m not one for relationship advice,” Dot broke the silence and Kahu could feel the heaviness returning to her chest, “but you should talk to her. I don't know what's going on but I see the way she looks at you, she's quite obvious, to be honest.” </p><p>She considered it for a second, that maybe Shelby did feel something, maybe she was just scared or confused. But that was hope, and she knew better than to give herself hope. </p><p>She didn't answer Dot, just gave her a knowing look. They returned to the truck when the sun started going down and the ride back home was met with music and a comfortable silence.</p><p>“I always thought you'd be so smooth.” Dot was laughing beside her and Kahu quirked an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“What's that supposed to mean?” she countered.</p><p>“I mean look at you, you’re hot, you have a decent personality and a car- well you kind of have a car. Isn't that like everything a girl looks for?” She stared at her friend and for the first time in what felt like forever she really laughed, like a laugh that came from your gut and burned through your throat. Dot joined her and they both laughed uncontrollably at something that wasn't even that funny until they pulled up in the parking lot of the dairy.</p><p>And Dot’s laugh faded, her lips falling into a thin line. Kahu followed her eyes, looking out the windscreen of the truck to see a very tired looking Shelby glaring back at her. Her mind went blank and she froze in her place, she hadn't seen Shelby since she left her without a word at 6am on Saturday morning while the blonde slept. </p><p>“I’m gonna head home.” Dot’s voice snapping her back to reality for the millionth time that day. All she offered her friend was a nod as she got out of the truck. “Good luck.” she closed the door, waved to Shelby and then walked away. </p><p>Kahu made no move to get out of the truck and Shelby seemed to have got the message, she took a few slow steps and entered the passenger side, neither of them daring to look at each other. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have reacted like that. I don't know why I-” Kahu’s breathing got heavier and she barely heard what Shelby was saying when she cut her off. </p><p>“No! No, I'm the one who should be sorry, I should've never said any of that and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” </p><p>“Don’t say that, please.” Shelby's gaze was so soft like she was scared her eyes would burn through Kahu and break her, and her voice was small and wavering. </p><p>Kahu’s heart broke a little bit more just looking at her. She opened and closed her mouth a couple times before giving in to the fact that she didn't know what else to say, giving Shelby time to elaborate. </p><p>She moved slowly, Kahu didn't know if it was really happening this slow or if her brain was not processing this in real-time. Shelby reached to grab her hand just like Kahu had on Friday night. When they came into contact Shelby rubbed small circles in the back of her hand and Kahu felt like she was about to lose her mind. This was the last thing she expected today and she simply could not keep up. </p><p>“There’s so much you don't know about me,” she looked up when she heard Shelby's shaky voice and saw the girl staring down at their hands tangled between them. “Like more than I could even explain.” </p><p>Seeing Shelby so upset and having her hands rub circles into Kahu’s own was all starting to become too much for her, she saw tears fall from the blonde’s eyes and all she wanted to do was wrap her up in a hug and tell her everything will be fine but Shelby is right. Kahu knows virtually nothing about the other girl and it made her frustrated. She wanted to know everything, she knew Shelby was hiding things and she wanted to know why.<br/>She wanted to help. </p><p>“I wanna know everything about you Shelby,” and she meant it but Shelby just let out a dry laugh.</p><p>“Trust me, you don't.” At first, Kahu was ready to protest, to say something like ‘trust me, I do because what could this perfect pageant Queen from Texas have ever done wrong, but instead she just sat there with furrowed eyebrows. </p><p>“I like you. I really, really like you. But that's why this can't happen I'm no good for anybody, not even myself and I know that's not what you wanna hear and it'll probably hurt you as much as it hurts me to tell you this but I have to. Because down the line, I can't guarantee that you’re not gonna be hurt, and I don't want to hurt you Kahu.” </p><p>She gets what Shelby is trying to do but it doesn't anger her any less, she's sick of the sob stories and the excuses people make when they’re too scared to do something because they think it'll be hard. </p><p>“Shouldn't that be my decision?” Shelby sighed and shook her head. “I mean if it's my heart you’re suggesting will be broken then shouldn't it be my decision on whether or not I let you break it.” </p><p>“Kahu please-” </p><p>“No. I'm sick of people always trying to do what they think is best for me. How can it be what's best for me when it always leaves me feeling ten times worse?” Shelby fell silent. “It might be selfish but honestly, I don't care. The girl I like just told me she liked me back and you'd be insane to think I'm gonna give that up so easily.” </p><p>“I didn't tell you that to give you hope.” Shelby still wouldn't look at her so Kahu gathered all her courage and raised one of her hands to Shelby's chin, lifting it slightly so she could look into her eyes. </p><p>“I’m not scared of what will happen Shelby. I'm scared of nothing happening at all.” The air between them grew impossibly heavier. It had been a minute or so and Kahu was still holding Shelby’s chin in place, no starting to feel slightly self-conscious about it but not knowing where to move it so she kept it in place. Shelby’s breathing was uneven, thankfully, she didn't seem to notice the hand Kahu had raised to her. </p><p>Before Kahu could second guess herself she was moving, leaning in slowly scanning the look on Shelby's face for any sign of refusal but when she didn't find it and instead saw Shelby take one last breath and close her eyes, she felt a knot in her stomach. It felt like she had been leaning in for hours, everything moving far too slow and she stopped just before reaching Shelby's lips. “Can, I kiss you?” she breathed out and she felt Shelby shiver beside her, making an almost frustrated noise before leaning the rest of the way and joining their mouths. </p><p>Kahu’s mind went blank when Shelby pressed their lips together, everything around her fading away leaving only the knot in her stomach and the feeling of hands coming up to grasp at the side of her face. </p><p>The kiss was slow and tentative with barely any movement at first, mainly because neither of them seemed to believe what was actually happening, but then Kahu felt Shelby’s teeth brush lightly against her lip, much to her surprise. She didn't take Shelby for the assertive type but wasn't complaining either. She opened her mouth as the kiss picked up to let Shelby in. </p><p>Her mind was buzzing as she slid her hand from Shelby's chin to her neck, pulling her closer. They were stretched across the centre console and their position was a little uncomfortable but neither seemed to care at the moment. Shelby was desperately moving her hands into Kahu’s hair deepening the kiss and when Kahu finally collected her thoughts, she knew if they kept going at this rate she wouldn't be able to stop, so instead of giving into pure instinct, she slowly pulled away. </p><p>Shelby looked dazed and slightly nervous when Kahu was far enough away to make out her expression. She knew what the other girl must have been thinking so she leaned back in, resting her forehead against Shelby's. <br/>“I really don't want to stop.” She knew it was dangerous but she said it anyway, no louder than a whisper and right against Shelby's lips.</p><p>“Then don't.” Shelby sounded as desperate as Kahu felt. </p><p>“You’re gonna be the death of me.” Kahu smiled but Shelby had an unreadable look on her face. </p><p>“Or maybe it'll be the other way around.”</p>
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